Project Athena | Reviews

Haywire Ranger (Roses)

Author: marsaumell

Reviewer: Rain_dropsand_roses

Genre: Science Fiction

Firstly, I must say that I love the tech-life sci-fi genre you write in. I've read a few chapters of "Browser City" and "Poison Shot" during the time I did this review, and I liked them a lot.

However, I found that the Survivor's Guide Chapter at the beginning ruins the element of surprise in the book. It takes away the sense of discovery if I already know a particular beast's vulnerability to shotguns. I'm curious whether this information is directly from you as the author to the readers or if it's information known within the story world. While you mention that it's not a substitute for characterization, it can give the opposite impression. Perhaps placing it at the end of the book would be more suitable. Personally, I found myself repeatedly returning to that chapter to read up on phoenix details instead of focusing on the story.

The worldbuilding in your book is exceptional. I appreciate the well-crafted story and the city where the characters reside. The different types of phoenixes and the advanced technology create an intriguing setting that captivates readers.

However, there are instances where the wording and writing style seem off. It's something I've noticed with authors who employ a particular form of editing. While most readers may not pick up on it, I suggest going through your chapters personally and rewording them in your usual style. I compared this book to your other works, specifically "Poison Shot" and "Browser City," and it's evident that the editing for this book was not done by you. The descriptions, dialogue, and inner thoughts of the characters differ. Though it might be just me, readers who have completed all three books will likely notice this difference. I recommend seeking feedback from such readers to confirm this.

Now, let's discuss the time-skipping watch. Introducing a time travel gimmick in a story can be risky for a writer. While time travel might exist in your futuristic setting, it wouldn't be readily available to everyone. Sky having and creating such a device without logical limitations or requirements for its use may lead to consistency issues in the future.

Additionally, I'm curious about how Sky manages to take down the Ranger. During his trials to become an Elite soldier, his device was tested and rejected. Since professionals conducted these tests, it's unlikely they were mistaken in determining its insufficiency. Did Sky make changes or add something new to the device that suddenly made it capable of defeating such a creature? The process behind its creation and improvement is not explained, except that Sky is an engineer, which alone doesn't seem sufficient.

Chapter Four, where Sky encounters the injured phoenix, takes some liberties. The way Sky deduces that the phoenixes are being used against their will feels too straightforward and eliminates a significant portion of the mystery from the story. He also receives notifications on his phone through a Bluetooth connection to a Phoenix that later states "Communications offline." 

Regarding the Echo Ranger crash landing, if the Control Tower were aware of it, wouldn't they have tried to locate it? Sky also wonders about this, thinking that examining its internal mechanisms could provide insights into why the phoenixes attack or why they are sent. There doesn't seem to be a reason why Sky, without any means to track the phoenix, would find it before the others or why they wouldn't have tracked it themselves later. Halle assuming "it must have flown away" does not seem like a realistic or convincing decision for the leader of the Elite Soldiers. Later, you mention that all the units were busy and couldn't spare anyone that night, which is understandable. However, when they do search for it, they send out only one unit to deal with the supposedly fastest and most dangerous phoenix that has no apparent weakness.

I understand that it might seem like I'm nitpicking, but these details are crucial in science fiction writing. Consistency with the rules established in your world, especially regarding the Echo Ranger, presents significant plot issues in the first five chapters alone.

Ultimately, this is a good story, but the execution could be improved. It reminds me of "How to Train Your Dragon," which I like, actually. I would rate it 3 out of 5 stars, mostly due to the writing style of this story, as mentioned above. The inconsistencies also need to be addressed, and I believe that can be achieved by making the Echo Ranger vulnerable to something, making Sky's accomplishment more believable. Additionally, I suggest reconsidering the time-skipping watch or replacing it entirely. Science fiction relies on detail, and readers invest in the story, relying on the rules of the world you've created. By addressing these issues and refining the storytelling, you can elevate the book to its full potential. 

You're a good writer, and I look forward to seeing how you shape the story in future revisions.