Project Athena | Reviews

Moth Light (Nadia)

Author: theRavensWritingd3sk

Reviewer: SardonicBeauty

Genre: Romance

Moth Light is a fantasy-themed story, from what I have read so far. The story is set in a modern city where supernatural creatures live secretly among humans. The cover of the story is beautifully made, with a dark background that goes really well with the white lettering, perfectly capturing the vibe the author was going for.

The story revolves around Eula Rose, a woman who is shown to have trouble with herself, which can resonate deeply with many readers. Her thoughts and views on what is considered the "norm" for a woman are beautifully expressed. Matthias, who appears to be the male protagonist of the story, is portrayed as an ancient supernatural being who considers humans as "easy prey."

The plot begins with Eula and her friends visiting a club, where she meets Matthias. From the start, a secretive and tension-filled atmosphere is created between Eula and Matthias, engaging readers and leaving them asking for 'what happens next.' The mysterious aura set around Matthias works as a catalyst for readers' inquisitiveness towards learning more about his character and how the relationship between Eula and him develops, given how it started.

The tension between the characters builds from the moment Eula meets Matthias and reacts differently from what he usually receives. The nightclub setting creates a moody atmosphere that contrasts with Eula's hesitance, yet she feels drawn to Matthias. The details of the city streets ignite a sense of a larger mystical world lurking in the shadows.

When it comes to the technical aspects of the story, when writing in third-person point of view, it's better to use pronouns or the character's name at the beginning of the story. For example, "For hours, the woman" should be changed to "For hours, Eula" to make the readability less awkward. There are missing prepositions in some places, for example, "she was dress appropriately" should be "she was meant to dress appropriately." The sentences in the chapters are too long, which can be easily broken into shorter sentences. Shorter sentences are easier to read and understand. Long, complex sentences with lots of commas and conjunctions can be more difficult for readers to read, breaking the flow of the story. For example, "Her friends had informed her... department in the hospital." This sentence can be broken into two smaller ones.

When describing scenes and emotions, it's best to know which incident should be placed where. For example, "She hadn't gone on a night out... custody for the night" should come before "contemplating.. location," and then the changed sentence, "She carefully considered what to wear and whether any of her clothing was truly suitable for the location she had been told." Pay attention to how the sentence structure sounds. Does it sound awkward? In the previous version, the sentence "contemplating her decision... location" sounded awkward paired with the wrong placements of the actions. Another example is "She pulled on the almost too tight... together." End the sentence there. "She noticed that the white color of her top was only slightly different from her pale skin... reality." This is why the sentences you are writing should be smaller.

The finer details could be more descriptive and better. For example, the description of her getting ready, how she felt with the top on, and how she reacted to her surroundings are the finer details that, when added to a story, make it richer and more interesting.

There are places that have missing articles, like "Was a chance." There are also many places that have missing punctuation. For example, there should be a semi-colon after hips. "Flare of her hips; the dip before she reached her thighs, something she didn't see on models."

The descriptions can be worded better. For example, "He watched as she lifted her head, the red lights flaring brightly against her dark hair, the pulse..." Rather than writing the description of what Matthias sees, describe what Matthias is feeling after seeing it.

This story has all the elements of a compelling story and relatable but complex characters. I'd rate this 3 out of 5 stars. It has a lot of potential, and there is much more to uncover as the story progresses.

Good luck!