Project Athena | Reviews

The Art of Remembering (Carmi)

Author: minimoxx

Reviewer: Read-aholic2006

Genre: Romance

Addison Merrick's world is flipped on its head when her husband is diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, and her former best friend, whom she hadn't seen in eleven years, suddenly returns.

I love the poetic way in which you start your story, comparing the act of remembering with the stages of snowfall. Readers are quickly introduced to Addison and her husband, and they soon learn about what happened between her and Ashton.

The MC, Addison, narrates the story from an amusing first-person perspective. She has an artistic way of looking at the world, regarding the ordinary as something to admire. Her intricate mind, her broken heart, her composite personality, and her gloomy past all intrigue me, and I'd love to see her growth.

I'm impressed by how you tell your story, pointing your audience to all these different areas of interest, and then seamlessly linking everything back to your beautiful motif: Remembering is like an art form. Themes of memory, nostalgia, art, betrayal, etc., are expertly highlighted. You drop these bits and pieces of information like a trail of breadcrumbs, luring readers to the edge of their seats. We don't know why Addison was in the hospital; we don't know why Ashton left her without saying a word. This adds to the suspense.

You have clearly done sufficient research on the types of dementia and their symptoms. That's why I find your story to be greatly educational; I learned a few medical terms and biological facts. You use effective writing techniques, such as in Chapter Six when Ashton is about to reveal Everett's official diagnosis: You use a series of quick, short sentences that contribute to a heart-stopping atmosphere filled with apprehension. This dramatic build-up captures your readers' attention. Your overall dialogue is excellent. I enjoyed the heated tension between Ashton and Addy; their argument outside the hospital was well-constructed.

Your writing is very emotive, and readers can easily sympathize with the characters, as they all have to face their own battles. Everett's memories and overall health are being threatened by a ruthless illness; Addison is losing her husband to this cognitively destructive disease and must deal with the reappearance of the man who ghosted her. And Ashton has had to put his own demons to rest.

A true writer is able to sculpt substantial scenes from abstract ideas, and you have succeeded in doing so. I loved all your metaphors, similes, and personification. However, I must admit that some of your descriptions sounded slightly unnatural, and although readers can try to make sense of what you're saying, it's usually difficult to decipher the meaning behind your imagery. Here's an example:

The lyrics pull at my memories, working like a painting and seeping color down to my heartstrings, which pang as the pieces of paper and photos scatter across the floor.

The above excerpt could be refined to read as follows:

The profound lyrics tug at my memories and twist around my heartstrings, painting my vision with the colors of the past. Scraps of paper and photos are scattered across the floor as I rummage through the drawer...

Also, I would've preferred it if Everett didn't know about Ashton, creating some exciting conflict between Addy and her husband. I mean, if she wrote off Ashton's "betrayal" and kept it a secret for years, then Everett would have felt like he'd been left in the dark for no reason once everything gets revealed. So a small part of me wishes that Addy and Ashton's encounter had gone differently, that Addy would have tried to conceal the awkwardness between her and Ashton so her husband wouldn't pick up on the elephant in the room. But that's only my opinion.

Your grammatical errors are not overwhelming, but you made a few concord errors and used the semicolon incorrectly.

Your plot is rather innovative, your pacing is reasonable, your dialogue is realistic, your characters are lovable, and your narration is almost spellbinding. The only suggestion I have is that you work on your descriptions. Don't get too lost in trying to make something simple sound significant when it bears no relevance to your story. If you want to emphasize an important point, then focus on that point. Underline your images with subtlety and never try to force anything.

Any reader who enjoys romance, drama, new adult fiction, or the medical field should give this book a shot. I rate your story three out of five stars.