Project Athena | Reviews

Lost Eden ‖ Heavens Fall (Emmanuel)

Author: Bluelovesleep

Reviewer: Denyefa4

Genre: Action/Adventure

Lost Eden is a book about twins who are unequally loved by their parents, as one proves to be more talented than the other. However, this changes shortly after the world is attacked by non-human creatures, sending fear to every ear. The twins' parents die, and one of them must join a squad that protects humans from otherworldly beings.

I loved the fact that you went straight to the action from the very first chapter of your book. The cliffhangers were great, and the concept of your book gave me thrills and goosebumps all over. However, the thrill was dulled after the first part.

Now, the part of your book titled 'The Disappearance' was confusing. I didn't get the reason for the chapter. It only broke the flow of the first part of your book. You went from Alexis and Krista with their parents fleeing to somewhere safe, then being attacked, to an unknown character leaving town with a boy while being attacked by a Raven that prevented them from fleeing.

In Chapter One, you kept jumping between the past and present while introducing characters we knew nothing about, like Sofia and Elena. I got the sense that Elena was the girl you spoke about in part two, but I didn't want to conclude, so I wouldn't confuse myself later on. I suggest clearing that up. Still in Chapter One, you stalled your readers with long paragraphs, like you were trying to reach a word count (probably for the Wattys or publication), and it got boring when there was no first-hand action or dialogue. I also noticed this in later chapters.

Lastly, I think your chapters are too long. You have chapters with up to 3500+ words, and it gets boring to read prose of that length without dialogue or action. A solid chapter should be around 2k to 3k words, and you can go a little over 3k, but nothing too much.

Regarding your grammar, I noticed your use of lengthy spacing before a paragraph throughout your writing, like you were writing on paper instead of on a reading app. I know you have your sights set on being published, but this feels unnecessary and distracting to readers. After writing dialogues, try adding a full stop at the end if the sentence or word that follows isn't a dialogue tag. I also noticed the absence of commas in some parts of your writing, but that can be fixed by a quick proofread.

Overall, I enjoyed reading your book, but there is still work to be done, and you're on the right track. I give you 2 out of 5 stars. Regarding your concern about publishing, I suggest you send your book to a publishing house for examination, as I'm clueless in the field of publication.

If you're a lover of mysterious beings, action, and end-of-the-world stories, I recommend this book.