Project Athena | Reviews

Along Came Charlie (Emmanuel)

Author:  

Reviewer: Denyefa4

Genre: General Fiction

"Along Came Charlie" is a general fiction novel with a slice of real life that follows the life of a young adult and his unacquainted son. Julian has always had a policy of always using protection before having sex, but one fateful day, Santa doesn't visit and he gets a girl pregnant. He tells her to get rid of the fetus, but she does the opposite. Thirteen years later, Julian has finished college, still using protection, but Charlie (the son he fathered in high school) shows up at his door, requesting a place to stay for six months, and Julian's life is thrown into disarray.

I want to commend your efforts as I love the concept of your book, and I'm on the edge of my seat as I read. I'm curious about what brought Charlie to Julian's doorstep after thirteen years, as he hasn't needed his father for his entire life, so why now? I'm also curious about what happened to Charlie's mother. The cliffhanger is necessary, so I recommend that you keep it.

I'll skip to your first chapter, as I think your blurb is already enticing enough to draw in readers. However, the phrase "I'm pregnant" in the beginning feels unnecessary, as you don't explain who said it or how it came to be. Your first chapter was a bit confusing, as it felt like it was foreshadowing, but then you added the sentence "it was the last time I saw her," which made it feel like you were telling someone about how Charlie came to be. However, in the next chapter, you start thirteen years later, and during this time frame, Julian knew nothing about Charlie and had forgotten about the girl he impregnated. You went from the future to the past then back to the future in a single run (if you know what I mean).

Secondly, you have a habit of jumping through your scenes and packing a lot of ideas into a single chapter, which makes it feel rushed. For instance, when Charlie showed up and Mary and Julian were speaking to him, you jumped to dinner and then to bedtime too quickly. Instead of breaking up the scenes, try linking them together with actions. There are other instances of time-lapse.

In terms of grammar, I didn't notice any obvious issues, and your grammar is simple and understandable.

I'll give you 4 out of 5 stars, as I didn't notice any strong issues that made your book anything less than a nice read.

If you're a lover of general fiction about parenting and its issues, then I recommend this book, as I find it interesting to read.