Project Athena | Reviews

The Shepherds (Nadia)

Author: Theshepherd1

Reviewer: SardonicBeauty

Genre: Adventure

The Shepherds is an adventure-themed book that revolves around Kyron Westbrook. The story is set in a world where everyone seems to have unique special powers, except for the protagonist, Kyron Westbrook. Along with adventure, I noticed other themes in the book, such as fantasy, which adds an interesting touch to the overall story and plot.

Kyron Westbrook is introduced as a young boy without any special powers, which sets him apart from everyone else. In the beginning, Kyron finds himself waking up from a nightmare and seeks solace by looking out of the window, showing his affinity towards nature. We see this affinity later when he gets lost in the forest.

The story starts with Kyron waking up from a recurring nightmare, and soon we get a glimpse into his daily life and an idea of the different categories of abilities and which ones his parents possess. The story takes a turn as we see how Kyron deals with new dangers thrown his way through sheer determination and bravery. As the story progresses, we see more of his interactions with his father and how he reacts to changes, how he works on himself, and never backs down from a challenge.

Something confused me as I read the story: what is the style of the story - Classical, modern, or magical realism? The way the protagonist talks feels unreal and complicated. The story has a usage of many unique and lovely words, but when and how to use them is important.

"A colossal figure...obstructing my path." This line is perfect, using words that might be complex for some but enriches the text in general. On the other hand, "With a tender goodbye...work" sounds awkward and breaks the readability flow. If you want to make it in a more classical tone, you can phrase it as, "With melancholy solace in her heart, she uttered tender farewells and soared aloft to her labours." However, I wouldn't recommend this either because your story doesn't strictly follow the classical style. In a more modern way, you can phrase the words as, "With a heavy heart, she softly said her goodbyes to me and flew off to face another day of work." Something you need to notice when you are writing is that adding unique synonyms of words does not necessarily make a prose better. It rather makes it hard to comprehend and read.

The pace of the story is unclear in many places, and along with that, there is a drastic lack of creating an emotional connection between the characters mentioned in the story, making it a little bland to read. For example, if something were to happen to anyone, or there is an emotional scene, such as Kyron crying because of his lack of abilities, it does not feel personal. Fleshing out the emotional scenes with more description and emotions included in the character would do good.

The whole premise of the book is based on telling what is happening, rather than showing. Showing provides a more immersive and engaging stage for the readers and allows for subtlety and multiple meanings. Telling is good for introducing a scene. After that, show what is happening. For example, "My mother stood in the doorway, gazing at me with her soft blue eyes. A small sad smile appeared on her face as she beckoned me closer. A lump rose in my /throat as I moved close to her slowly, knowing what is about to come. Cupping my cheeks, she placed a tender kiss on my forehead and whispered goodbye."

This is just an example of how you can show, rather than just writing, "With a tender goodbye, she soared off to work...her love." With that, "Expressing her love" sounds better in this context than "professing," in my opinion.

The summary is good, but the nightmare part there makes no sense. Adding something before that would make it more coherent.

The story has intense mixed tense. One paragraph is written in the past, while the next is in the present. When writing any story, it is important to figure out in which timeline you want your story to exist and use the tense accordingly. All of the things I mentioned, along with the lack or overuse of punctuation, make the overall readability difficult and less interesting.

The plot of your book is really nice and compelling, but a heavy focus on how you execute it is required. I'd rate this book 2.5 stars out of 5. This book has a lot of potential and would do really well with a heavy edit and improved writing style.

Good luck!