Project Athena | Reviews

Cosmic Fables: A Princess Odyssey(Carmi)

Author: Bhargavee00 

Reviewer: Read-aholic2006

Genre: Fantasy

I would refrain from commenting on the external aspects of the book unless absolutely necessary. Personally, I find your blurb to be excessively long and slightly digressive, detracting from the main characters and storyline. While it outlines the plot, it fails to shed sufficient light on the key facets such as the main characters, their relationships, and the core of the story. Rather than scattering bits and pieces of ideas across multiple paragraphs, it would be best to highlight the important elements. Additionally, the title on the cover utilizes two different fonts that clash with each other, and the words below the title are illegible. However, I do appreciate the vibrant colors and the attention-grabbing image.

The prologue filled me with anticipation, keeping me on the edge of my seat. I expected something ominous to occur, as everything seemed too perfect. However, I suggest placing the transition from the past to the present day in the first chapter. This would allow for the introduction of a new setting and new characters that deserve their own spotlight. Start the first chapter with Avi's message. Furthermore, I recommend separating the poem in the prologue from the rest of the narration. It doesn't align with the storytelling scene you have set, and it would be more impactful to let it set the tone on its own in an isolated prologue before commencing the story.

Your imagery is undeniably beautiful. For example, your personification of disheveled hair having a mind of its own, longing for the touch of a comb, and the use of similes to depict characters enveloped by the abyss of forgetfulness are captivating. Your writing showcases strong diction, such as describing hunger gnawing at their stomachs, and a vibrant vocabulary. However, the abundance of descriptive passages can become overwhelming. In the prologue, nearly ten paragraphs are dedicated to describing what the characters are wearing. This significantly slows down the plot and may bore readers. I strongly suggest focusing on the main events and avoiding unnecessary details.

I noticed that the dialogue tends to be formal, reflecting your characters' seasoned vocabulary. However, the narration itself surpasses the overall quality of the dialogue, which could benefit from improvement. Here are two suggestions:

Instead of "Confused and alarmed, Irina shouted, asking her sister why she had locked her in and what was happening in the ballroom," you can write: Irina banged on the door, shouting hysterically. "What are you doing? What's happening, Sia?"

Instead of "Avi expressed his doubts about the certainty and proposed that they search for Aashi together," you can say: Avi was still doubtful. "I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. We should look for her."

Notice how incorporating dialogue instantly brings the characters to life and conveys emotions in a more natural way?

While I appreciate the Indian-inspired names of your characters, they can be confusing. Avi, Aashi, Arsh, and Advait all start with the letter A, making it challenging to differentiate and keep track of them. However, your descriptions do provide assistance. Avi is a tall football player with a chiseled jaw and honey-brown eyes; Arsh is a fair-skinned nerd with black eyes; Advait has a playful personality, blue eyes, and black hair; Vani is curvy, short, compassionate, and often plagued by fear; Aashi is hopeful and sanguine; and Shrisha seems level-headed, composed, and concealing something.

Despite these detailed descriptions, they come across as an obvious information dump. It is unnecessary to explicitly explain the appearance of each character. Furthermore, in the first chapter, you provide background information on six main characters all at once. It would be best to lessen the amount of information and avoid overwhelming the readers.

The merging of fantasy and sci-fi genres in your story is interesting, although it may seem unconventional. The romance and mystery elements kept me engaged, particularly the presence of an anonymous individual observing the group of characters. Your story also displays a great sense of humor, with Advait being my favorite character due to his teasing personality.

I noticed several grammatical errors, such as inconsistent tenses and incorrect comma usage. I advise you to write out numbers in full and correct any spacing errors.

Overall, you are an excellent writer with a talent for painting vivid images with your words. Fans of fantasy and sci-fi should definitely check out your story. I rate this book 3 out of 5 stars.