Project Athena | Reviews

Cataract of Delusion (Nadia)

Author: new_erasktaylor

Reviewer: SardonicBeauty

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

Cataract of Delusion is a mystery/thriller story that revolves around the life of Olivia Whitley, who recently got charged with murdering her husband, Leo Snyder.

This story captures the essence of a mystery/thriller. The gripping premise and well-written characters have captured the essence of a mystery/thriller since the prologue.

The characters Olivia Snyder, who is guilty of murdering her husband, and her father, a police officer who is also struggling with his role as her father, are introduced in the prologue and seem interesting. In a few sentences, the prologue establishes the dilemma in Olivia's father's mind very strongly.

I will come to the technical aspects of the story now, and go into details about each chapter.

First, the cover of the book is beautiful. There are a few things you can edit; a different font for the title of the book, if not a different font, increases the size of the letters. Along with that, try to put the author's name in the centre, alignment-wise.

Second, the blurb of the story is short, engaging and written well.

Third, point of view (pov) in the chapters. There are multiple POV switches in the middle of one chapter. That often leads to confusion and breaks the reader's flow. For example, in the first chapter - The first part is from Mr. Ronaldo's pov, that too in the past. Then after a line break, it switches to a journalist's POV. While the transition itself is not bad, and you have successfully added a good amount of space before changing POVs, you can mention in the beginning that it's Mr Ronaldo's POV in the past, then just write 'Present' and start the Journalist, Mili's pov.

This would make the transitions easier to grasp, and give more clarity to the passage. The best thing you can do is if you want to show multiple POVs, you can stick the third person POV, or the Author's POV as you have mentioned in the prologue.

Fourth, transitions. In the first chapter, the first scene takes place in the past, and the parallel is set really well. Once we read the rest of the chapter, it becomes clear how that past incident is important. However, in the scene from the past incident, to the scene where the accident happened, the transition is stiff and abrupt.

To change that, you can add a paragraph before, showing what the reporters are doing. For example, Mili's guilt over what she was doing before the accident, rather than telling that, you can show how the questions being thrown at Mr Ronaldo's way caused him more distress. Add physical changes to make it seem more personal, like increased breathing, dilated eyes, fingers shaking, etc.

Add another para, about how he got inside the car and went on his way, but the moment the car went on, Mili looked at the camera to say something and then she heard the 'Bang'.

In this way, you are adding more emotions and depth to the characters, and the transition between the POVs and places is smoother.

I'd say do something similar when the POV shifts to Martin Parker and then to Olivia.

Fifth, plot. The plot is amazing and it truly portrays mystery and thrill. But, while you are exploring what happened to Olivia in the present, add bits and pieces of it while writing about what happened in the past. From chapters Some Glimpses of Past to The Flame. The setting is amazing, and kept me hooked on the story, about what had happened, and how her parents, but with that, you can add glimpses of what is happening in the present.

Say, when talking about The Flame in the chapter, add a part in the present where the word is used or thrown, then slowly ease back into the past. In this way, there will be a steady progression in the story.

Sixth, emotions. The descriptions in the book are spot on and from them alone, I can feel the anger and emotions of the character. But, you can add more to it, describing the emotions the characters are feeling. This is not to be done everywhere but in some places.

For example, in chapter Camphor or Ghost, in the 3rd paragraph, DK is shocked by what he sees. To emphasize more on his character, you can add how felt internally, at that moment. Did he feel remorse? Did he feel defeated when their lead was in that position? You can add these small things to add on DK's personality.

I do wonder who DK is, if it's Drake Wilson, then you should definitely add these small details. It will add a lot to his character in the present.

Similarly, in chapter Sparkle of Anger, when Olivia learns about her father's condition, rather than saying 'saw some emotions...her eyes', show how it was visible. Add how her physical appearance changed, change in breathing, and small details as such.

Seventh, grammar, punctuation and words. The book has very minor grammatical errors, not noticeable. In many places, the words 'after', 'by', etc are used multiple times in one paragraph, so you can try to find other words or different paragraph phrasing for them.

Each chapter is written in a very tight-knit and interesting manner. The chapters are filled with suspense, and the characters are not perfect, which leaves for character development. That is also seen in the chapters, as the story progresses.

Adding more information about the past is a good way to clear things up and add a different perspective.

This book is amazing, and I cannot wait to read the updates. I'd rate this book 4.5 stars out of 5. This might be your first time writing a book, but you are doing a wonderful job at it.

Good luck!