[Complete] Noise and Kisses {chicklit}

30

The following morning, I accept Middlesex University, the conversation from Leila still fresh in my head. I don't want to make Keaton's girlfriend feel uncomfortable with my presence around campus. If I'm honest with myself, my reasons for wanting to go there were a desperate attempt to leave all the drama behind.

With college finished and with time on my hands, I make the decision to get a part time job at the local library, set back just next to the park. The place is tranquil, the hours are good, and the pay is ok. Plus, it gives me something to do whilst I wait for uni to begin.

With my university choice so close to home, I agree with my parents that I'll stay at home for at least the first year so I can keep my loan costs down. They're pretty great about me going out, so I have no worries about going to parties or hanging out with friends.

I'm lucky that Leila has also chosen to go to university close to home, heading to Hertfordshire to study Graphic Design and Art. All our other friends have accepted places at universities across the country, but Carly has deferred entry for a year, with plans to travel for a few months instead.

After a few weeks of feeling like I'm in an endless loop of working and sitting at home, I'm relieved when, on Friday, Leila calls.

"Mate! I'm so bored! Please tell me that you're free tomorrow night?"

I giggle. "I'm free, what are you thinking?"

"Well, Pete has invited us to go into London for his farewell drinks before he heads off to uni. Do you fancy it?"

My breath hitches. "Erm... I'm not sure..."

"You can't hold off living because you're scared of seeing him. It'll be fine. After what happened at the Misty Moon, you're in a good place again, so you've got nothing to worry about."

I sigh but know she's right. "Ok, fine. But if there's any drama, I'm out of there."

"Deal!" She says and shrieks a little. "I'll let Pete know and will text you the details."

We say goodbye and I spend a few minutes trying to push the mix of excitement and nerves that rush through me. I'm nervous at the thought of seeing Ben again – those piercing green eyes looking straight through me and into my soul. The way he makes my breath hitch, my heart race, and my mouth dry. I'm not worried about what might happen or really, any potential drama that could ensue. More how I will react when I see him again. By the time we left Pete's a few weeks ago, I ached for him. To touch him, to talk to him again. And if he tells me he loves me again, I don't know if I have the willpower to turn him down.

The next day, whilst I'm on my lunch break, Leila text to let me know that Pete is planning to go to 'Face Down' at the Scala in Kings Cross. I've never been before but I'm familiar with the former cinema, now nightclub, having walked past it many times before. For the remainder of my shift, I agonise about whether Ben will be there.

As I walk home, later that afternoon, Leila texts again.

Panic over, Ben is not coming! x

Instead of relief, my heart sinks - the pain spreading through my chest, mourning his absence. Why isn't he coming? Is it because he's trying to avoid me? I've ignored him since he messaged me. The guy that said he'd never been in love before told me he loves he. Ben loves me.

I still don't know whether to believe it, or whether it was just a last-ditch effort to get me back. Confused, I take a slower walk home to collect my thoughts and smoke too many cigarettes.

***

At 7:30, I meet Leila at the train station to head into Kings Cross. The upside to living in the suburbs but on the outskirts of North London, is the ability to get the overground train into Kings Cross in just two stops. Ordinarily, we chose to visit locations on the Northern Line, making it easier to travel to Barnet and jump on the Underground.