Just your typical college romance with fake dating sprinkled on top, along with a little sparkle of forced proximity....and oh did I mention it's her best friends brother who she'll be dating? Her best friends brother who's the hockey team captain...
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I feel like death.
I've been feeling like that for a while now. I keep telling myself 'I'll get through it' because after everything I've been through, I know I will be okay but right now I don't feel like it. I don't feel anything. Actually, no-I do feel but I don't know what. It's a great mixture of annoying, sad, broken, angry, and shitty.
And hungry.
My chest hurts, like actually hurts. It's like being stabbed in the chest with a big needle, it's so damn hard to breathe. The moment I even think of it, my breathing becomes ragged. I have to take big deep breaths and put my mind to another task in order to stop myself from crying.
It was only a few hours ago that my life came crashing down at my feet and it's not the first time that it's happened but I just didn't expect my best friend of 20 years to betray me like that. I don't even want to think about that asshole, let alone say his name. It physically pained me to leave that dorm. My room was empty except for the bed and the other furniture that was already there. No personal accessories or funky cushions or one of my 7 pretty blue bed sheets. It pained me, even more, to take off the Polaroids from the wall, most of which were of me, Dylan, and Freya. Us going places, doing dumb stuff, and taking pictures of the memories we were making or had already made since high school and before.
Am I stupid for not throwing them away? Probably, but I need a little more time to get over this, and considering the way I'm dealing with this right now, I don't think I'll ever get over it. fuck.
All the memories of me and Freya planning to spend the next 4 years in university and having fun, came crashing down. When we moved into our dorm, we had a wall that we had decided would be for our polaroids from our university experience. We had a reading corner which was just 2 bean bags in a corner, but it was our corner. When we were 14, we had planned our weddings on Pinterest, the rings we wanted, how we will get married on the same day blah blah. It hurts like a bitch.
She was my soulmate, or at least I thought she was.
My mind rakes through all the memories of all three of us being together as I try to pinpoint a moment where they hinted they liked each other. Maybe I missed it? Missed the hints? I don't remember anything like that. She was with a guy the entirety of our high school and Dylan had a crush on a girl from another grade so I don't think so. If she did have a crush on him, she would've told me. She always did. She told me everything, even the tiniest details. Did I miss something? Maybe it is my fault after all?
Tears well up in my eyes and I sigh softly, wiping them away with the back of my hand. At least my nails look pretty.
"Nova doll? You in there?" There's a knock on the door and my head snaps out of my sad thoughts. Another knock. "I'm coming in." Ezekiel's muffled voice hits my ears and I push myself up, eyeing him as he walks into the dark room. He's still in his outfit from this morning and a pang of guilt hits me in the chest. "Linc made food." He sets the said food on the study table, next to the huge window. "Geez, why is it so dark in here?" He asks, turning the lights on.
