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Insecure ____________ Dustin Pov.
It amazes me how much I can accomplish by being on punishment. I've learned 5 new skate tricks and how to make rings.
But after a long day of finding myself and making peace with what I have left, the sun was setting and I was riding my skateboard.
My mind was clear but at the same time a tiny image of Kaylin sat right in the middle. It was hard to admit something is there for her. But at the same time it felt like I still didn't know anything about her. After all the time we missed.
I don't think I can see myself with Kaylin. I would hurt her. Or maybe I was afraid she would hurt me. After- yk. I don't think I see myself with anyone anymore besides the girl I really want. But even her I don't think I can see myself with.
If Kaylin did still have something there for me I can't bare to hurt her feelings. I know how sensitive she gets and I know how people would react.
I want to give her a chance though. I want to know how she really feels. I want her to unleash those bottled up emotions she has. That grief she's stuck in. I want to listen to everything she has to let out.
Want is the key word. I want a lot of things. But her especially is something I cannot have. The skies hue gains my attention as the sun sets below the horizon. I hop off my skateboard sitting onto the rocks by the water before bringing out a bag full of wires and rings I created.
I wanted to make one she would like but I've failed to do that as well. I throw the failed ring into the river grunting in frustration. Until the perfect peice of a rock meets my eye.
A tiny Quartz crystal sits in the sand upon the river and I quickly grab it rinsing it off with the river water.
I grab a wire from the bag and shape it into the size I knew would fit her. The thought of her favorite things. The thought pf her favorite color. The thought of her favorite movies or shows. Were all I could think about when doing things for her.
I wanted this to be perfect. I wanted her to know how much I wante- needed her. I wasn't gonna give up. As much as she may hate me or as much as she may love me. She's gonna get hurt and always look for me to be there.
Which is what I want. Which is what I love. I yearn for it. I yearn for her. Her beauty. Her body. Her touch. Her voice. But was it like that for me. Did she think about me those ways.
How did she think of me. When she hears my name does she immediately smile and get all flustered as I do with her. When she sees me does her heart pound through her chest. When she thinks about me does her body tingle everywhere to where she can't think straight.
