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☀︎︎𐬺⁂☆彡 CHAPTER EIGHT {ʙʀᴇᴀᴋᴅᴏᴡɴ} ———————————
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——————————— "ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜ!" ☀︎︎𐬺⁂☆彡
REMINDERS were everywhere Alec went, no matter where. Everywhere he went, he was constantly reminded of his mother or that he didn't have her anymore. Throughout the day, he saw things he'd been told his mother loved when she was alive and little boys spending time with their mothers happily. It made him envious and emotional.
He wanted that.
He wanted that time spent with his mother, but he couldn't. She was gone, and there was nothing Alec could do about it. He wished she was still with him and watched as he grew into the man he is today. See him with a girlfriend and friends who truly loved and cared for him. He wished he could have those talks with her about being in a relationship and having the awkward sex talk with her.
But he couldn't.
All day, Alec grew tired of seeing everything that reminded him of his mom. So much so that after seeing a young boy hug his mom and say he loved her, Alec turned around, ran back to his car, and sped home. He saw no one was home as no vehicles were in the driveway, and he rushed inside. Alec went into his bedroom and sat on his bed with a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face. Looking before him, Alec saw the chest filled with his mother's old things. Seeing it triggered him.
He got up and opened the chest angrily, seeing everything of hers inside. He pulled out her pictures and saw how happy she was in them and grew angrier. So angry he ripped the picture and all the other ones inside. Every single one he ripped, he questioned in his head everything.
Why did she do it?
Why did she leave him?
Why wasn't he good enough to live for?
What did he do wrong that made her take those drugs?
"I hate you!" Alec screamed as he ripped another picture as he cried. "I hate you!"
He continued ripping the photos, grabbed the clothes, and dumped them on the ground. He picked some up and started pulling them apart, too. Alec was tired of the constant reminders of her and missing her. He hated that she left him alone. She left her whole family alone to look after him. He was her responsibility, and she left. She left all of them.
Her parents.
Her siblings.
Her son.
She left, and their lives changed forever without having her in it.
Alec kept destroying her things as he cried, tearing off his flannel before grabbing more of her stuff off the floor and smashing them against the wall. All her nicknacks Alec destroyed as he was sick of seeing them every year, where he would go through her things to remember her by.
In the back of his mind, Alec knew he needed to stop. That what he was doing wasn't healthy, but the broken, sad child inside of him wanted to keep breaking her things. He didn't want to stop. He wanted to understand why. Why was she gone so soon?
"Ahhhhh!" Alec screamed as he threw a ceramic figure of his mother's against the wall.
As he panted from his outburst, Alec noticed a framed picture frame of his mother holding him in his arms. He walked over to it with tears streaming down his face, picking it up. He let out a sob, looking at his mother's smile that he shared with her before throwing the frame at his door.
Alec cried harder, "Why?!" He screamed, looking up.
"Why did you have to leave me? Why wasn't I good enough? Why couldn't you have stayed?!" Alec yelled, wishing his mother could answer him.
Angry that he could never get an answer from her, Alec went back to destroying everything. Eventually, he started breaking his things, not caring anymore. He grabbed a baseball bat he kept by his closet and started swinging at everything on his nightstand and dresser and smashing everything in the bats' path without a care in the world. Wishing his mother could just come down and hold him in his arms, telling him that everything would be okay.
But he knew that would never happen.
Eventually, Alec grew tired, throwing his bat at the wall, then sat against the wall in his bedroom. He cried even harder, holding himself, pretending that it was his mother holding him. But it wasn't, as he doesn't even remember what her touch felt like. He didn't know anything about her because she was gone too soon.
"I hate you," Alec whispered into his arms, sniffing. "I hate you, mom. I hate you so much."
Alec was broken and didn't know how to put himself back together. What did he do to deserve everything that happened to him? All the bad that's happened to him he didn't think he deserved.
His father left him.
His mother overdosed in front of him.
He almost died in a tsunami.
Why were these the cards he was dealt with in life? What was it that he was supposed to accomplish with this traumatic experience? What lesson was he meant to learn?
Alec didn't think it was fair. He's just a kid. A kid who didn't need all this trauma, no kid does. Any kid could do without anything traumatic happening to them. But that was life. And life didn't care who you were. It would happen, and you couldn't do anything about it. All you could do was continue, but Alec didn't know how without his mom. She was the one meant to help him in these types of situations.
