DOCTOR LINDA JACKSON had become a prominent figure in Alec's life. Even after feeling better and moving past his tsunami trauma, Alec continued seeing the doctor. The Joza teen had been through a lot in his life, and talking to the older woman about it helped him understand who he was. Dr. Jackson knows all there is to know about Alec and understands how the teen feels about everything he's been through.
And she knows that Alec is anxious about meeting his father for the first time. She sat across from the boy as he played with his fingers, telling her what happened at his sister's house when his father showed up unannounced.
"And then we left," Alec finished explaining, sighing. "Once I got in my car, it felt like I could finally breathe again, not being in the same room as him anymore."
"That's normal with anxiety, Alec. Seeing your father, the man who left you and your mother before you were born, triggered it. And since you have anxiety, seeing your father made it worse." Dr. Jackson said, and Alec sighed.
"Tell me what to do, Doc? How do I overcome this? My mom dying. Being in a tsunami and almost dying, I guess I can handle. But this? I don't think I can handle this. Seeing him. Being in the same room as him it just...it just made me want to scream." Alec explained with tears in his eyes.
"Scream at him or just in general?" Dr. Jackson asked.
Alec shrugged, "Both, I guess."
"Alec, the question you have to ask yourself is if you want to talk to him. If you want to understand why he left, you must be willing to sit down and listen," the older woman exclaims.
"I want to talk to him, but at the same time, I don't." Alec shakes his head. "Part of me wants to know why, but the other part would rather never see him again. I don't want to give him any of my time. I mean, why should I when he wanted nothing to do with me when my mom was pregnant with me?"
"That's an excellent point. But growing up and learning to move past our past traumas is sometimes hearing out the ones who caused our past traumas. Sometimes, hearing what they have to say can make everything better." Dr. Jackson explained, and Alec shook his head.
"But what if it just makes everything worse?" Alec asks.
"That's possible, but Alec, I think it'll benefit you." Dr. Jackson said, making Alec raise an eyebrow at her.
"How?" He asked.
"Because in all the sessions we've had, and I've learned more about you and your past, especially about your hatred for father, I've realized that you might blame yourself for him leaving. You think it was your fault he left you and your mother somehow." Dr. Jackson explained, and Alec bit his lip. "And you need to understand that it's not your fault. You had nothing to do with your father leaving. You weren't even born yet. He left on his own accord, not because of you. And if you want to stop blaming yourself so much, you'll have to talk to him. Learn why he truly left and didn't want to be involved in your life. Once you find that answer, I promise you you'll no longer blame yourself."
"I don't know," Alec muttered as a tear fell on his face, and he wiped it away.
"I'm not saying you have to do it right away. Take the time and think about whether you can handle listening to what he has to say. Then, when you're ready, talk to him and understand why," Dr. Jackson said, and Alec nodded slowly.
"Okay," Alec whispered.
"You've come a long way, Alec. I remember when you were still uncomfortable opening up to me, and now look at you. You're open with your feelings and aren't afraid to feel them. I'm proud of you. And your mother would be too," Dr. Jackson said, making Alec's heart warm.
He smiled with a chuckle, "Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it."
"Anytime." Dr. Jackson smiled in return. "I am your therapist, so." She joked, making Alec laugh.
Alec knew Doctor Jackson was right and internally blamed himself for his father's leaving. When he was younger, he thought something was wrong with him to make his father leave, and even his mother did not want to be there either. But he grew up with his mother's love through his grandparents, so his resentment toward her was gone. But his father was a different story.
And Alec didn't know if he was ready to read that one.
