Saving Agent Hotchner | 1

3. No motivation

HOTCH
For the first time in many, many years, I woke up alone. I didn't have a wife to kiss when I rolled over. I didn't have a son desperate for my attention. My bed was quiet.

To be honest, I was unsure of when I'd be able to see Jack again. Haley was very adamant about her feelings regarding my job, so I understood that she didn't want me around as much. But Jack? I don't think I'd ever get out of bed again if I knew that Haley was keeping him from me. She can hate me all she wanted, but that didn't give her the right to keep Jack from me - did it?

I had tossed and turned all night due to the nightmare that plagued my mind. My nightmare was simple. I showed up at Haley's home and the moment I went to say hello to Jack, she shut the door in my face and threatened to call the cops if I even smiled at him.

My nightmare was ridiculous, but it frightened me.

At 6:30 AM, my phone buzzed. Lifting the device off my bedside table, I groaned at the sight of JJ's name on my screen.

JJ: We've got a case. Get here ASAP.

I rolled my eyes and placed the phone down onto the bedside table. Was it normal if I just wanted to block out everything and stay in bed? Was it normal if I got out of bed and went to work, trying to pretend that my mind wasn't racing?

My brain told me to get up, get dressed and go to work. My heart told me to stay in bed and take some time off. My body told me to stay where it's warm - which was my bed.

I listened to my heart and my body. I didn't have the energy or motivation to message JJ and let her know that I wasn't coming in, so I silenced my phone and rolled over, intending to waste the day away by sleeping - something I rarely ever got to do.

Y/N
JJ questioned everyone about Hotch's whereabouts. When none of you could give a solid answer, you offered to go and check up on the heartbroken man while the rest of the team dealt with the case. Luckily for you, the case was local, so you could stay with Hotch and work the case if need be.

At 9 AM, you knocked on Hotch's apartment door, waiting patiently for an answer. When he didn't open the door, you put your hand on the doorknob and twisted it, hoping that maybe it would get stuck - signalling that it was locked. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

The front door was unlocked, allowing you access to Hotch's apartment. You searched the place, unable to see him at all. When you reached what seemed to be Hotch's bedroom, you knocked. You were met with silence.

"Hotch?" You whispered as you opened the door, revealing the heartbroken man laying in bed, his eyes wide open as he stared at the door that led to his bathroom.

"Hotch, are you alright?" You walked up to the bed, watching as Hotch recognised your presence and sat up, raking his hand through his hair.

"W- What are you doing here?" He questioned. He didn't seem angry that you had entered his apartment. He seemed confused.

"JJ was worried about you, so I offered to come and check on you. Before you ask, the case is local." You reassured him.

"I hate my life. My job caused my wife- ex-wife to divorce me. I'm lost. I have no energy, no motivation. My reason for waking up in the morning is somewhere else with our son." Hotch groaned.

"Hey, hey. There's no need for that. Hate is a very strong word. You dislike your life, maybe." Y/N shook her head, watching as Hotch scoffed.

"I let my job get in the way of my relationship with Haley. I let my job dictate my life. I missed out on anniversaries, date nights. I missed Jack's first words and steps." Hotch groaned. He attempted to roll over and go back to bed, but you stopped him.

"Oh, no you don't. You're going to get up, shower, get into your comfiest clothes and meet me in your living rom. There's going to be a cup of coffee and some toast waiting for you next to our case file." You insisted, practically pulling him out of bed. You were lucky that he wore a t-shirt and some shorts.

"You're the worst. You know that?" Hotch rolled his eyes, grabbing some clothes from his drawer.

"Go and shower, Hotch." You chuckled, leaving Hotch to shower in privacy.

———

20 minutes later, you watched as Hotch exited his bedroom, his hair damp from the shower. His clothes clung to him and you could see some damp spots on his shoulders and arms. You weren't going to lie, he looked pretty hot.

You shook your head slightly, trying to get any inappropriate thoughts out of your head. He was your boss, who had just gotten divorced from his wife. Those thoughts were not supposed to be invading your mind. Maybe later on, but definitely not now.

"You said this case was local?" Hotch asked, sitting down next to you.

"Yep. We have 3 victims, two female and one male, from Southbridge, Virginia. All of them were in their early 20's. They were each found in their backyards, their ankles and wrists tied up. Each of them were empaled right in their chests. The M.E. report confirms that they all died instantly." You explained the case to him, watching as he sipped his coffee and took a bite out of his toast.