Saving Agent Hotchner | 1

9. The waiting game

HOTCH
Pain...anxiety...worry. All of those feelings were running through my brain, none of them slowing down.

The pain got worse as I drove to the hospital. I'm pretty sure I broke a few laws as I drove, but I didn't care. They only thing I cared about was the hope that Y/N would survive. Getting shot in the shoulder would surely hurt, but there were other places where a shot would be fatal. Maybe the unsub didn't intend to kill her, knowing how much more trouble he'd be in if the charge of killing an FBI Agent was added to his already extensive rap-sheet. The anxiety pounded in my heart and invaded my brain every second that I didn't know if Y/N was okay. The worry doubled as soon as I entered the hospital. From the moment Y/N was put into the back of the ambulance outside Christopher Henson's house, I followed the ambulance. I followed it for 15 minutes, worrying every minute that maybe she had coded in the ambulance. Technically, if she had died, it was protocol that they still take her to the hospital. When that thought came into my brain, I did everything possible to push it back out. The last thing I wanted to worry about was the possibility that Y/N had already died.

My worry subsided a little bit when I ran into the hospital, racing toward the receptionist who looked up at me.

"Which patient are you here to see?" She asked, ready to type a name.

"FBI Agent Y/N Y/L/N. She was brought here about a minute ago." I breathed, trying to catch my breath. I held up my badge, letting her know how important both me and Y/N are.

As I watched her type, I heard 6 pairs of footsteps behind me. I turned around to see Spencer, Derek, JJ, Emily, Rossi and Penelope - who had driven all the way from Quantico the moment she heard that Y/N had been shot.

"Agent Hotchner? Agent Y/L/N has been wheeled into surgery. Does she have any family available?" The receptionist asked.

"N- No. Not that I know of." I turned to Penelope, who shook her head. When Y/N first joined 2 years ago, Penelope gave me a small file relating to Y/N's past and family history.

"Alright. You'll be the first to know when she's out of surgery." The receptionist smiled before letting me and the team sit in the waiting room.

Penelope held Derek's arm as her cheek rested on his shoulder. Spencer tapped his fingers against his legs, clearly trying to soothe his anxiety. JJ and Emily sat on the chairs closest to the corner of the waiting area. Rossi sat against one of the chairs with a magazine in his hand that he clearly wasn't interested in reading. As for me, I was hunched over, my head in my hands as I tried to calm myself down. The pain of letting Y/N get shot was hurting me. The anxiety of watching as she tried not to lose consciousness was haunting me. The worry that she might not make it off the table was making it hard for me to keep myself from crying.

———

7 hours later, no updates had been given. Since Y/N was admitted to the hospital, no one had come to update the team on her progress. I had been tempted to go up and ask someone for any information, but from the amount of times one of the team had been in the hospital, I figured it was better just to leave the doctors and nurses to do their jobs, and hopefully, someone would be out soon to give us information.

After 7 hours, Derek and Penelope were fast asleep. Emily and JJ were quietly talking about how much they hoped Y/N was okay. Rossi was trying to stay awake while listening to Spencer ramble on (he rambled when he was worried, and the others just let him talk). Meanwhile, I fought off the nightmares I was facing while staring at the beige wall opposite me. I had been staring, and soon enough I started daydreaming, - about a life with Y/N, which wasn't unusual nowadays - but that daydream turned into a nightmare.

My nightmare - thankfully - ended when I blinked a few times, hearing a female voice in front of me.

"Agent Hotchner?" The nurse tapped me on the shoulder. I turned toward her, exhaling.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Y/N's finally out of surgery. The doctor just put her into a private room." The nurse smiled.

I immediately stood up and followed the nurse to the private room, forgetting about the rest of the team who had noticed me rushing off. I stopped in front of the door, seeing Y/N in the hospital bed, small tubes and wires protruding out of her hands. She looked...peaceful. I almost forgot why she was stuck in a hospital bed.

I looked behind me, noticing that none of the team had followed me - most likely because patients who just get out of surgery are only allowed one visitor at a time. While I was alone with Y/N, I sat down next to the bed, looking at her, a feeling of guilt washing over me. I needed to somehow admit my feelings toward her, and it helped that she wasn't yet conscious, which meant that I could say whatever I was feeling without fear of Y/N hearing me and replying.

"P- Please...Y/N. Stay with us. The team needs you. I- I need you." I gently held her hand in mine. My thumb grazed over her hand as I tried to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

Without thinking, I lifted her hand and kissed it. I thought that by showing or telling my feelings, it might make it easier for me to deal with them, but in reality, it only made me miss her more.

"Just...wake up, please." I put her hand back down on the bed just as I heard 6 pairs of footsteps stop at the door.