Saving Agent Hotchner | 1

6. Struggling

The BAU had been dealing with a lot of good and bad luck. The good luck allowed them to successfully solve the 4 cases that they had been tasked to investigate after solving the Bakersfield case. The bad luck came when the 4 cases involved dealing with missing children. Each and every case became harder for Hotch to deal with.

When Hotch came into work for the first case, he acted normal. He wasn't showing much emotion and made sure that the team stayed as focused as possible. The second cases is where Hotch started to change. He'd separate himself from the team and take some time to himself. By the time the 4th case was presented to the team, Hotch was out of it. He wasn't speaking. He was barely paying attention. He sat separately to the team. When the team arrived to the city in which the unsub was attacking, he gave his orders before walking ahead, ignoring any questions asked.

———

After a day of starting their investigation, everyone needed some rest. The case was very difficult. The team usually started each case with limited information, but this time, when they arrived to the city, they had no witnesses, no victims and no evidence of foul play. The only evidence to prove that it was a case for the BAU was given to them by the chief of police, who noted the rapid rate in which children of all elementary school levels, race and genders were disappearing.

By 10 PM, the team was tired and needing to get some rest. It didn't help that they had barely eaten since arriving. Spencer and Y/N returned from interviewing the parents of the missing kids. Emily and JJ returned from the M.E. Derek and Rossi returned from the last known locations of the missing kids. When they got back to the police precinct, Hotch - as neutral as possible - ordered for everyone to go to the hotel to get some rest. The team did what they were told. Emily, JJ, Spencer and Derek were the first to leave, all four of them looking like they were one minute away from passing out. Rossi left soon after, needing to finish up his notes on the locations before he went to bed.

Y/N found a 24 hour fast-food place. She placed an order and went to the bathroom at the precinct. 20 minutes later, Y/N was outside the precinct, thanking the delivery driver for the food - leaving a pretty good tip.

She intended to grab her bag and take her food to the hotel, but when she saw that the conference room light was still on, Y/N peeked through the blinds, watching as Hotch balled his hands into fists and almost threw the paper nearby onto the floor.

"Hotch, are you alright?" Y/N asked, concerned.

"I- I'm alright, Y/N. Go to the hotel. I'll see you tomorrow." Hotch nodded.

"Uh-uh. Nope. Grab your bag. I'm taking you with me." Y/N insisted, shaking her head.

"Y/N, I'm alright, really." Hotch argued.

"No, you're not, Hotch. Since we got this case, you've been distant. You've barely coordinated with the team. On the jet, you sat as far away from the team as possible. You've barely spoken to any of us, simply leaving your notes and ideas in the case files for us to see. Not to sound weird, but I've been keeping my eye on you and I've noticed your lack of attention. When the chief was talking about his theory, you thought it was more interesting to stare out the nearby window, rather than focus on what he had to say." Y/N scoffed.

"Watch yourself, Agent." Hotch hissed.

"I'm not saying any of this to be demeaning or mean. I'm saying it as a friend. I care about you Hotch. I care about your feelings, your mental and emotional health. You always act like a stern hard-ass who doesn't take kindly to being ordered around and I get it. You're our boss. You're the leader and in charge of this team. But that doesn't mean that your feelings should be put on hold. You're human, just like the rest of us. Whenever one of us is struggling, you allow us leeway. You allow us to step back if we need to. And I know, as our boss, it's unusual for you to step back and take a break, but you need it just as much as we do." Y/N explained, trying to convince him.

"The moment I take a break, or step back, Strauss will be on my ass. She'll use it as a reason to remove me from my position as Unit Chief." Hotch argued again.

"Screw Strauss. She expects you to be a hard-ass perfectionist with no emotions." Y/N shook her head.

"Hotch, what I'm trying to say is, if you need to step back for a bit and collect yourself, none of us would blame you. I'm sure we'd all cover for you when it came to Strauss poking her nose where it doesn't belong. You're an amazing boss, Unit Chief and leader - there's no doubt about that. We're all willing to help you against Strauss. She has no right to target your job because of something as mundane as needing to take a little break." Y/N put her hand on Hotch's, surprised that he didn't immediately pull away.

"I appreciate your thoughts. You're probably right." Hotch smiled, standing up. He collected all the files and placed them in his bag.

"Tomorrow, you're going to sleep in. I don't want to see you working before 9:30 AM. Don't worry about the team or anyone else. I'll let them know - with minimal detail - and I'll ward off any unwanted opinions. I'll message you tomorrow morning - after 9:30, updating you on our progress with the case." Y/N smiled as they got into one of the SUV's.

"You know that all of this is very much against protocol. If Strauss finds out, she'll have both our heads." Hotch warned.

"You'd order us to take a break if we were struggling. I don't care that you're our boss. You deserve the same care and respect that we get from you." Y/N chuckled as she and Hotch drove to the hotel, munching on some of the food that Y/N had ordered on the way.