𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 - 𝑪𝑯𝑹𝑰𝑺 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑶𝑳𝑶.

nineteen!

[irl, texts!]

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[irl!]

TO SAY THE CURRENT SITUATION is awkward is really a big understatement.

lily feels incredibly uncomfortable and awkward as everyone waits for her to say something.

after a few more seconds of glancing over the menu, she finally orders a chicken sandwich with curly fries, trying to ignore how she stutters.

when the waitress gets the rest of the group's orders, she tells them their food will be out shortly and walks away.

lily lets out a big breath of relief that she didn't even realize she was holding in.

however, lily doesn't get a chance to relax as she notices everyone staring at her expectantly.

"what?" she asks, finally looking at them with furrowed eyebrows and confused eyes.

allison frowns, only staring at her with more concern.

this causes her to roll her eyes. "i'm fine, okay? you don't have to wait for me to snap."

"you don't have to pretend that everything's fine. you can talk to us." elliot says in a cautious, but kind voice.

lily takes in a deep breath, trying to bury the irritation and the overwhelming and intensified feeling of wanting to snap.

then, she looks up at her best friend, before reaching up to place her hand over hers on the table.

"i'm fine. really." she says insistently, but her phone going off repeatedly cuts her off from anything she wanted to do before.

she doesn't even have to look — she knows exactly who they're from.

with no hesitation, she shuts her phone off completely, to ignore the notifications that keep ruining any peace she tries to give herself.

she turns back to everyone else and smiles. "let's just eat, okay?" she asks, nodding in relief when everyone quietly agrees.

maybe they're scared of what will happen if they refuse and push her for more answers. lily doesn't really care about that right now — she's just grateful for the fact that she doesn't have to deal with any more interrogations.

though, as they begin to eat, it's hard to not notice lily barely even eating her food and the lack of emotions on her face for the rest of their meal.

—————

LILY IS ONLY GRATEFUL WHEN she's finally able to get home.

but, any feelings of peace or relief is short lived when she turns her phone on again and sees the messages that she's suddenly seeing for the first time.

—————

[texts!]

mom 🙁 — eleanor
lilianna — lily

mom 🙁
stop playing games and just ANSWER you're fucking phone!!
you are the most spoiled, ungrateful, self-centered person i have ever known.
you should be ashamed of yourself.
read at 3:45 p.m.

mom 🙁
do you have ANY idea what you've put your family through????
i don't know why i bother trying to be mature about this when you refuse to give the same energy back.
you're worthless and i hope you know that.
read at 3:58 p.m.

—————

[texts!]

dad 😐 — john
lilianna — lily

dad 😐
you know your mother was never able to do the hard thing.
so i'll do it for her.
you have always been a pain in our asses.
read at 4:10 p.m.

dad 😐
i wish you had never been born because all you have ever done for this family is make everyone miserable.
we never want to see you again.
read at 4:15 p.m.

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A/N: hi guys! i'm really, really trying to get back on a good schedule for writing out these chapters, so here's this! i will warn you guys, the next chapter is going to get really graphic and there will be a almost suicide attempt. if you can't handle that then don't read it, please. i just want to write this fic as real as possible and sadly as someone who deals with a lot of the things that lily does, i can't just not write about the real issues of having depression. so, this is my warning and of course i'll write a trigger warning for when i write the next chapter, but yeah.

—hannah <3