𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 - 𝑪𝑯𝑹𝑰𝑺 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑶𝑳𝑶.

twenty four!

[irl!]

—————

[irl!]

AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, IT'S been a few weeks.

and lily has been working hard to heal from the messages her parents kept sending her before she blocked them.

the one thing she hates of all, though, is the way everyone is watching her every move, worried about her snapping.

madi and the triplets are probably one of the few people that are actually not doubting her strength.

and it's not that anyone thinks she's weak or that she can't handle anything—it's just that she's been through so much and they know that that could take it's toll on any normal person.

it's not them questioning her strength, it's just worry.

and she knows this—she doesn't hate or blame them for it.

it's just exhausting, trying to ignore it and maybe that's just because she's mostly pretending to be okay.

and she knows she shouldn't—that she should be honest about how she feels—but she worries of being a burden.

like today, for example, she's sitting outside of her and elliot's new place, sitting on the deck and trying to deal with the incredibly intrusive thoughts swirling around in her head and holding her attention.

it's overwhelming, trying to fight your mind when usually you expect it to be on your side and helping you, instead of it trying to hurt you.

taking a deep breath, lily grabs her phone and turns it on, looking at time.

it's still pretty close to the time she saw when she last checked it—it feels like the time is going by incredibly slow, like the universe knows she's struggling in this exact moment.

footsteps and the back door opening draws lily's attention, causing her to turn her head towards it, finding matt closing it.

"hey." he says in greeting, noticing the drained look in her eyes immediately.

"hi." she says, giving him a tight-lipped smile as he moves to sit down beside her on the deck.

"i know this is a stupid question, but how are you?" he asks, now fully sitting down.

lily sighs, blowing out a drawn out, stressed-out breath as she tries to think of how to describe it.

she knows that a part of her wants to lie, but for the first time, she trusts herself enough that she wants to be honest with him.

besides, he did say that if she ever wanted to talk to him about her mental health, that he'd offer it and that he wouldn't ever judge her.

"um..." she trails off, trying ignore the unshed tears.

"well, according to my therapist, i'm making progress. which, i guess is a good thing." she murmurs, easily falling into the habit of fidgeting with her fingers.

matt nods quietly, wondering if there's more she wants to say.

ultimately, he decides to say his honest opinion, in case she needs some comfort or motivation to continue.