𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 - 𝑪𝑯𝑹𝑰𝑺 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑶𝑳𝑶.

thirty seven!

[irl!]

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MENTIONS OF LILY'S BPD SYMPTOMS!

[irl!]

THE SECOND THEY'RE INSIDE HER room, lily shuts the door and quickly leans her against it and closes her eyes, feeling way too much guilt and regret for what she just did.

nessa and elliot share a concerned look, knowing this part of her behavior well.

lily groans self-hatefully and bangs the back of her head on the door. "what is wrong with me?"

nessa sighs and walks over to her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "there's nothing wrong with you. it's all normal for you to act and feel this way."

she groans again and glares. "you sure about that? because i just snapped at the triplets when i promised myself i wouldn't ever hurt them! especially chris!"

nessa gives her a glare back and crosses her arms. "it'll be fine."

lily scoffs and shakes her head. "no, it won't! you guys saw their faces—chris' face!"

elliot sighs and walks over to the other side of lily and gives her an understanding look. "it's going to be okay, babe. they'll all forgive you. especially chris."

lily bites her lip and shakes her head with tears in her eyes. "he won't. i messed everything up with him," she sighs when nessa and elliot waits for her to go on. "it was one thing for me to wait to tell him about the fans and keeping it a secret from him. but, for me to snap and lash out at him like i just did?" she scoffs at herself and hides her face behind her hands.

"guys, i really messed up. none of them will ever forgive me." she whines with tears in rolling down her cheeks, still hiding her face behind her hands, while feeling so much guilt and regret.

nessa sighs and frowns, knowing a little too well how it feels to be in this situation. "they'll understand."

elliot, however, has a whole other thing to say. "are you sure this is just about being friends with nick and matt?"

lily freezes for a moment and nessa glares at her, silently asking her why she's choosing right now to ask this.

elliot glares right back at her, only having the best intentions here, just as lily finally lifts her head up and drops her hands from her face. "elle, what are you even talking about?"

the shakiness in her voice speaks volumes—that she knows exactly what elliot's talking about.

elliot rolls her eyes and gives her a pointed look. "lils, don't play dumb. you know exactly what i'm talking about."

lily shakes her head, masking a face of confusion, hoping that her continuing to play dumb will make elliot leave it alone and drop the conversation.

when nessa sees the look of determination on elliot's face, she groans quietly and shakes her head. "oh, god. this isn't going to end well." she mumbles and walks over to lily's bed, trying to get comfortable, knowing that this conversation is going to take a long time.

elliot only glares at lily, feeling a little bit of annoyance. "come on, lily. i know you. i know why chris means so much to you—hell, i'm sure everyone sees it."

lily's breath hitches in her throat at her best friend's words, making her have to acknowledge what she's trying to hint at.

elliot sighs regretfully, seeing the suddenly sad look on lily's face, but doesn't back off and waits for her response.

her and nessa share a look when lily doesn't answer for a moment. but, it's incredibly clear from the look on her face that she stated a fact.

when she sees the concerned and sympathetic looks both of her friends have on their faces, lily rolls her eyes and glares at them. "i don't know what the hell you guys are doing—whatever fucking intervention you have planned—but, don't accuse me of things that aren't true!"

elliot groans in frustration and glares back at her. "don't fucking deflect, lily! we both know the truth! and i know i'm right because this is exactly why you were scared to tell chris the truth about the hate comments!"

lily scoffs angrily at this and crosses her arms. "and what does that mean?"

nessa knows more than anyone else what the tell-tale signs of lashing out, which makes her get up from the bed and give elliot a look. "ellie, maybe we should table this conversation for another time."

elliot scoffs and shakes her head. "no!"

nessa and lily are both appalled by elliot's outbursted answer. "i'm done tiptoeing around her!"

lily scoffs at her words. "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

elliot groans and glares at her again, trying to keep herself calm. "look, i understand why you're upset and your feelings are valid. but, that's not the problem."

"then, what is the problem?" lily questions and exasperatedly throws her hands up in the air, showing her true frustration and growing anger.

elliot sighs heavily and closes her eyes, trying to remain calm, before opening her eyes again and gives her a look. "the problem is chris. your feelings for him."

nessa grimaces, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"what?!"

both nick and matt hear lily's exclaimed statement, making both of them stand up from the couch with concern on their faces.

however, no matter how concerned they are, they don't make a move to go enter her room, knowing deep down that both nessa and elliot have it under control.

back in lily's room, she's glaring at elliot, feeling upset about her accusation. but, it's not because what she said is wrong. no, it's the fact that it's right that makes her mad.

nessa sighs as she watches the both of her friends becoming upset with each other.

"that's right. you care about him. and it's not how it is with matt and nick—this is something more than that." elliot says calmly and clearly as she crosses her arms over her chest.

lily falters, unable to lie about her feelings anymore, even if she's still trying. "no, that's..." she trails off with scared look in her eyes.

"no, that's wrong. i-i don't feel that way. i can't."

elliot sighs and gives her a look. "it is true. you're just scared to admit it."

lily's face scrunches up in guilt and heartache as she slides down the door and sits down on the ground with her knees bent up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. "i can't." she whispers with a sniffle and the tears falling once again.

it seems that lily's finally acknowledging the truth that she's known all this time, but just didn't wanna admit.

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