Circe Isle Andino is one of the most decorated professional surfer. Surfing is her life. During the day, she spent hours and hours riding the waves, and at night she lay contented on her bed sleeping peacefully.
There's nothing she want more in her...
It's been three days. Three days that felt like hell. Tatlong araw na bumabangon na lang ako para sa anak ko na alam kong kailangan ako. Tatlong araw na parang may sumasaksak sa akin kada hinahanap niya si Coal.
It was never like this. With Eleazar, it was easy to find my footing. I always landed on my feet no matter what life threw at me, but this time it feels like I was beaten to the ground, and there's not much strength left in me to fight.
I dreaded waking up every morning, knowing that all I would feel was the cold empty space beside me on the bed. I fear the night coming because by then I will be left alone to feel everything that I don't want to feel anymore.
This is what I wanted. I needed the space. I need time to think. I don't want to see him because seeing him hurts. Pero may mas masakit pa pala sa nakita ko. May masakit pa pala na maramdaman ang pagdistansiya niya nitong mga nakaraan at ang makita siya na may kasamang iba.
Nothing had prepared me for the pain of his absence.
Dati kaya kong magpanggap hanggang sa hindi ko namamalayan okay na pala ako. It's easy for me to find distractions in the same way that it's easy for me to drown my feelings until they no longer exist.
But for three days, it was far from what I used to. The pain wasn't lessening, and it wasn't numbing. Instead, day by day, the ache grows and grows.
Alam ko na kahit si Tala ay nag-aalala na. She never saw me like this. Not even once. That makes the two of us because I never saw myself like this before either.
She asked me what happened the day after I came home from Dagger, and I gave it all to her. For a moment, she didn't say anything, but when she did, it was a question. "Do you believe that he could do that to you?"
She knows the answer. Coal knew the answer. I know the answer. So why? Why is it so hard to let what happened go and accept the fact that he won't leave me? That he won't replace me with anyone?
When Tala saw the hurt and confusion in my eyes, she opened her laptop and placed it in front of me. She told me one word. Research.
She said that even though it feels like I'm the only one suffering, it doesn't mean that there's no one out there who went through the same thing. And she was right.
There were a few words that popped up more than a few times that caught my attention. Abandonment issue, anxious attachment style, therapy, and counseling.
May isang parte sa akin ang gustong itanggi ang mga nabasa ko. Iyong parte na sanay na kayanin ang lahat ng mag-isa at magdesisyon para sa sarili ko na walang tulong ng iba. Hindi ko kasi maiwasang isipin na meron namang mga tao riyan na mas mahirap ang pinagdaanan kesa sa akin.
