Take My Breath | Catnipz

six

I WAKE UP with Mara's arm around my waist. The feeling of her warmth against my skin sends an electric pulse through my veins. I don't remember when we fell asleep or how we got to bed; but now I'm tucked away in her embrace like she's afraid of me slipping away from her grasp.

The sun shines through the translucent curtains and brings a certain warmth that could only be paralleled by Mara's warmth. I can't help but wonder if my constant pondering over Mara is any good; if it's healthy for me or our friendship.

I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't let myself feel this way for someone who already has feelings for someone entirely different. I know how this all ends. I know how it'll all feel; how it'll break my heart into a million pieces. I know better than to let myself fall for Mara, but I can't help it. Could you ever blame me for this? She loves me like a friend but treats me like I'm otherwise; like we're more than just friends.

It's hardly been five minutes since I'd woken up. Yet here I am feeling like I'm absolutely ruined. I feel a tightness form across my chest as I take a breath. Don't do this to yourself, Mason. You know better than to break your own heart. But what if I'm willing to give my heart to someone? What if I'm willing to lose myself entirely just for her?

"Good morning." I feel her breath against the crook of my neck as she speaks. "I hope I didn't wake you. Did you sleep well, love?"

Mara pulls me closer and I feel my heart pound against my chest like a set of drums. "No, you didn't wake me. I did sleep well though." I turn my body around as to face her. "And you?"

Mara took a deep breath and smiles. "I slept like a baby." She laughed; it's like music to my ears. "I don't think I've slept this well in ages. I think having you here with me makes it all better."

I look into her doe shaped eyes. "Is that the truth?" I really hope you weren't wishing I were someone else. That you aren't thinking of her when you're with me. "How are you so sure?"

Mara runs her fingers through my hair. "I'm very sure. And it's the absolute truth. It always is. When I'm with you I feel like I'm—"

Her phone buzzes on the bedside table. "Wait." She takes her hand off my waist and turns around to reach her phone. All that warmth is now gone.

I spend the next few minutes on my back, staring blankly at the bedroom ceiling. Who is it? Is it her? Has she reminded you of who you truly like? Am I just someone you want when she's not around? Those thoughts start floating around in my head like it's a leaf in the breeze.

I watch you smile at your phone through my peripheral vision. I don't think I can spend another second where you forget that I'm here. But what gives me the right to be upset when I'm just you're best friend. That's all that I am to you.

I feel my heart ache. I feel my throat start to dry and a lump start to form. The heaviness in my chest only worsens. It's certainly a dreadful feeling now that I realise what's happening. I'm slowly falling in love with you and I hate it.

The minutes pass by and you haven't looked at me once. All that I feel right now starts to increase with each passing minute and, "Fuck it."

I dig my nails into the duvet and I scramble off the bed in a hurry. "Where are you going?"

Don't answer her Mason. Just ignore her. Pretend she doesn't exist and make your way out of here. You don't need to explain yourself to her. Just stand up and leave. It's easy.

I take her varsity jacket off the chair and I throw it on before walking out of the bedroom with haste. I hardly know my way around here despite this being my second time here but I make my way out into the veranda. "Mason! Where are—"

Her heavy breathing fills the cold air. "What?" I don't bother turning around to face her. "Aren't you busy? It certainly seemed like it." I huffed.

Mara took a step forward. "What do you mean?" I follow suit and take one step further. "I was just talking to the girls." She answered. "I heard they went all out at a bar last night and got piss drunk." Mara laughed. "But they asked me where I ran off to because I never skip on them."

I feel my heart race rapidly like I ran a marathon. This is so fucked. "And what did you tell them?" I asked firmly with arms crossed. "That you were with her? Is that what you told them?" I added.

The air felt somewhat colder. I can't say for sure though. Maybe I'm just used to having her hold me these days. I can hardly even count it—the amount of times that she's held me in her arms. I realised that I've grown used to it. And now I hate the feeling of the cold breeze against my skin.

"I'm not following?" Mara replied.

"I asked if you told them if you were with her."

Mara moved from behind me. I watch her shake her head through my peripheral. "I didn't tell them that." She's standing in front of me now. "I told them I was with you." I can't help but drown in those doe eyes. "I told them I spent the night with you. Why would I tell them otherwise?"

I look into the distance. I'm not strong enough to keep our eyes locked. "I don't know. I mean...isn't that what they'd think? That you're with her?"

Mara took my hand in hers. "What?" Her brows knit together. "Who are you talking about?"

I can't tell if she's just playing dumb or if she's actually being serious. "I'm talking about Mavis."

Mavis. Her name feels like poison. I shouldn't feel that way...but here I am. I can't even deny how I feel. Not to myself anyway. I feel jealous.

Mara shook her head. "I wouldn't lie about who I'm with. And why would the girls think that?"

I couldn't do much but shrug. "I just assumed that they knew. I mean they do know right?"

Mara nods slowly. "I mean they do but that's besides the point, Mace. I'm just curious. Why would they think I'm with Mavis? I told them I'm with you because that's the truth..." She replied.

"Ok..."

"Just ok? Mara questioned. "Baby, what's wrong?"

This, I thought. This is all wrong.