Take My Breath | Catnipz

twenty three

𓄼 Mason 𓄹

I had three thoughts run simultaneously through my mind as I stood behind the cold marble kitchen island. The clock ticked by through the minutes of the twelfth hour as I hurriedly prepared a home made meal for me and the one other person I involve myself with daily.

The three thoughts are as follows:

1. What is she thinking about as she looks at me?
2. Why did she come over and where from?
3. I wonder how soft her lips are right now.

I swallow long and hard. The thought of even thinking about those things make me feel slightly unhinged. But who else is there to blame? I've put myself in this dreadful situation, that to some degree, excites me in ways that make me want to rip my hair out and gnaw at the walls. It sounds horrific, and in retrospect, it truthfully is. But what else can I possibly do? Act normal?

I can't help but feel like I'm her first choice. That I'm the one she chooses to come home to. It's the most plausible reason in my head. But it also sounds like the most delusional reason. It never mattered if she were at (her own) home, in the aisles of a grocery store, or even in the company of someone else. She'll come home to me.

I blinked several times as I shook the thought out of my head. Lunch will never be ready if I keep this act up. "Do you need any help?" She asked.

Mara Jace Kim is sprawled across my chaise couch in a change of clothes, that to be more specific, happen to be mine. In her attempt to help out with lunch minutes prior, she managed to spill a whole carton of milk onto the floor and onto her perfectly expensive hoodie.

I transfer the freshly washed vegetables onto a chopping board. "I'm alright. Just turn on the TV and we can watch something together while I finish prepping." I need her to stop staring at me.

A small pout found its way onto her face. "Are you sure? I can help if there's a recipe." She uttered kindly. "We can make lunch together..."

I shook my head firmly. "I was ok when you asked the first time. I was also ok when you asked the second time," I chuckle nervously. "I was also ok when you spilt the only carton of milk I had left in the fridge and every 'are you ok' after that."

Mara stood from the couch and hurried to my side, resting her palms against the sides of my waist like it's subconscious. "I'm really sorry about the milk," She apologised. "I just felt like helping out. What kind of friend would I be if I just stood around while you exert all this time, energy and effort to make us our lunch."

I felt the blood rush to my face. Her warmth brought chills down the back of my spine. "I know that you wanna help," I sighed. "But I'm more than capable of doing this on my own. I'm not a little kid anymore."

Mara clicked her tongue. "I never said you were a kid." Her hands drop to her sides. Cold. It felt cold without her hands on me. Hold me again.

"I never said that you did," I added. "But I noticed that you've been incredibly persistent since you got here. You can act normal around me."

"Persistent?" Mara took a step back. No. "How have I been persistent?," She questioned. "Don't tell me that it's all because of the fact that I've been asking you if you needed any help?"

I held a hand over my forehead as I turned around to face her. "It's incredible how you can be so self aware yet so oblivious at the same time," I chuckled. "You're not normally this persistent about helping out with things."

Mara swallowed hard and gestured towards the untouched ingredients on the marble countertop. "I want to help out because I'm worried that you'll hurt yourself in the process." She breathed. "Am I not allowed to worry about you now? We can just split the tasks between ourselves and make everything a little easier."

I let my tongue run across my bottom lip as I pondered over her response. "Is this about my leprosy?," I questioned. "Do you suddenly think that I'm incapable of performing basic tasks around my own home or are—"

I hold my breath.

A combination of shock and mind spinning sensations had clouded my mind like a foggy morning that dawned over a sleeping city.

"Mara," I breathed. "What the fuck?!" I pushed her away with force. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I yelled.

She wiped the excess of my strawberry lip gloss on her bottom lip with the back of her hand.

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

"Did you do something wrong?" I held a hand against my forehead as I scoffed loudly. "Mara. You kissed me." Kiss me again. Mean it.

"I know." She answered. "We kissed. Just now. Here. In the middle of your kitchen." She laughs.

"You're sick." I felt a tear course down my face. "I really don't know what is up with you but I am so sick and tired. This is not normal!" I yelled.

Mara took a small step forward. "Mace...," Her brows furrowed. "Please—I'm so confused. Why are you crying?" She questioned. Does she really not understand what she just did? "Did I do something to upset you?"

"Mara, what is not clicking?," I chuckled dismally. "You kissed me and now you're wondering if you did something to upset me. I really don't understand..." None of this is understandable.

"I don't understand either." She replied.

"You don't understand?" I chuckled again. "I don't understand how you could even think about kissing me right now? We were seconds away from blowing up into a heated argument and your first instinct is to kiss me?"

She brought a hand to my face and wiped my tears away with the tip of her thumb. "I don't want us to argue. I don't like it when we argue. I'm afraid, ok? I'm so..."

The scent on her wrist felt somewhat familiar. It isn't mine nor hers. Which only meant that it belonged to someone else. To someone I felt like I knew all too well.

"You're so what?" I held a hand over my chest as it began to burn. "You can't just kiss me out of the blue, Jace. And you certainly cannot kiss me when you belong to her. I'm not someone you can come to if you're not content or—"

"There is no her," Mara replied. "We're not together, alright. So stop acting like it's real."

"Not yet," I answered firmly. "You're not together but you will be. With time. I'm sure you just came from hers..." There's absolutely no denying it.

Mara stood frozen in her place. "Mason, I'm not...we're...if you let me explain then we can sort this out, ok? But I really don't like this. If you're mad then we—"

I turned around and walked towards the door.

"Mason, where are you going?" She questioned.

"I'm not going anywhere," I replied. "But you are. I really don't know what's gotten into you but I can't be in the same room as you right now. Maybe not for a while." I let another tear course down my face as she walked towards me with tears welling in her eyes. "But you need to leave," I urged. "Please don't argue with me about this. If you care enough then you'll walk out the door with no questions asked." I breathed. "Don't come back."