Take My Breath | Catnipz

twenty one

𓄼 Mavis Pham 𓄹

Mara Jace Kim walks into my bedroom with no prior warning. She's neatly dressed in a pair of denim mom jeans, a green oversized Supreme hoodie and a grey baseball cap to finish it off.

"You weren't answering my calls."

She removed her cap and sets it down on my dresser. "I called like twenty times." She sighed.

I run my hand through my tousled hair. "I'm sorry." I apologised. "I had my phone on do not disturb. I'm actually trying to study today."

Mara took a deep breath and sat herself down on the carpet floor. "You won't believe what I found out last night." She breathed. "Ugh. I don't know. whether I'm disappointed or pissed off or both."

I click my ball point pen to save the ink while closing my chemistry text book shut. "Well why don't we start of with 'hi' and then maybe why you're here in my bedroom unannounced and we can finish off with the three brown paper bags."

Mara stretched her body across my bedroom floor. "I must be cursed with a definite evil." She muttered. "I don't have any other explanation for it. But this seems like the most plausible reason."

I move my belongings onto the edge of the bed before joining her on the soft carpet. "Hm. Now why on earth would you be cursed with a definite evil? That's quite an interesting thing to say..."

"Mason's sick." She uttered.

"Like a cold?" I wondered. "Or the flu?"

"Oh my God." Mara chuckled beside me. "That's what I thought too but..." Her voice trailed off and turned into something much softer. "I wish it was just that but it's a lot worse than it seems."

"In what way?" I questioned.

Mara clicked her tongue and sighed deeply.

"I knew something was off about her. And to think I found out last night after months! Literal months. I only just found out that my best friend has Hansen's Disease. Last night." She chuckled.

I felt my eyes widen in shock. "Mason has Leprosy?" I felt my body tingle at the thought. "Did she tell you why she kept it away from you?"

Mara hid her face behind her palms. "Just the same old reason. She didn't want to worry me or become a burden. I don't understand, Mave. Like maybe I do get it, just a little. But then I don't."

"Did you tell her how it made you feel?"

Mara shut her eyes closed. "I told her it didn't matter if it burdened me or not. At the end of the day she's going to be sick and all this time she's been keeping it to herself..." She weeped softly.

"And how are you holding up?" I asked.

Mara curled her fingers around the hem of her oversized Supreme hoodie. "I don't want to lose the person I've spent my entire life with." She answered promptly. "I think that terrifies me more than anything. Not only would I be losing her in one way but two. But that's only if I ever decide to tell her how I truly feel for her."

It's hard to watch Mara break down like this. She isn't one to cry so easily, or let alone show it to others. "And have you ever considered doing it?"

Mara shook her head. "Only if I died the next day." She chuckled. "At least I'd be one with the earth if all turns to shit. I wouldn't have to worry about being in pain if she doesn't love me back."

Her comment left a sour taste in my mouth. How could she speak of such a circumstance so easily?

"You don't mean that." I replied.

Mara shrugged. "Would it really even matter?"

"It would." I nod. "A hundred percent in fact."

She blinked several times before shifting her gaze towards me. "What makes you say that?"

"Would you not care for the way Mason would feel if for some reason you just...left. Would it not concern you that she'd feel heartbroken over it?"

Mara was deemed speechless.

"Wouldn't you feel the same if she died?" I questioned. "You told me a mere moment ago that the one thing that terrifies you the most is losing her. So what would make this any different? It's the exact same thing, MJ."

I tried my absolute hardest to not let my emotions take over and heighten the tension. It became quite clear that this wasn't a good time to tell Mara how I feel. Or that I should never tell her at all. The kind of secret you'd take to the grave.

"I don't even know why you're here." I add.

Mara ran her tongue across her bottom lip.

"Isn't it obvious? I wanted to see you."

I roll my eyes towards the back of my head. "Cut the crap, MJ. You're not here to see me."

Mara rubbed her eyes with the back of her palms and sighed. "I'm being serious. I want to be here. In this room. With you. Is that not clear enough?"

I shook my head. "No, it's not clear. It has never been clear Mara and you know that!" I don't remember the last time I had ever raised my voice like that. In fact I had heavily believed that I never had to. But I proved myself wrong.

I brought my legs towards my chest and wrapped my arms around them tightly. "You should go."

"I haven't been here that long."

"I don't think that matters right now." I uttered. "It should be the least of your concerns. Believe me. If you don't want to leave then feel free to stay. But don't expect me to talk to you." I answered. "I have a lot of better things to do."

I stood up from my bedroom floor and hovered over the brown paper bags on the ground beside her before I slipped back into the comfort of my own bed. It had all my favourite snacks.

"Mavis." She called.

I moved my belongings and placed them down on the floor. I didn't feel like studying anymore. In fact I didn't feel like doing anything at all. I felt tired and in a deep state of unwavering pain.

I tucked myself into bed and faced the fall. The pillow was cold and had the right amount of softness to it. I wasn't sure if she'd ever leave.

I closed my eyes shut and found myself in the darkness. I couldn't help but loop out conversation in the back of my head like it were part of a broken record. Was she always this insensitive? This isn't the Mara that I know of.

"Mavis." She called again.

I searched for my teddy bear that Riley had given me when we first met at the Australian society club. It felt like our friendship was bound to happen. I hugged the teddy tight and I drowned in the silence that filled the air for a moment.

"Do you think I'm undeserving of love?"