Take My Breath | Catnipz

thirty

THIS didn't feel right. It didn't feel warm nor welcoming like it did many times before. Her bedroom felt colder than usual. It felt smaller too. Her king single bed was turned in for a single sized adjustable bed facing her bedroom window. It felt wrong and shameful. But most of all, it felt unfair. I didn't know how to act in this situation, how I could possibly act like I didn't feel guilty.

My heart sank into the pits of my stomach. I couldn't keep a smile on my face for longer than a minute. My muscles had significantly weakened and my skin had gone cold to the touch. Yet, the smile on her face never wavered, not even once.

Instead, she took my hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. Her warmth loomed over my semi frozen state, giving me the chance to break away from my own miserable thoughts. Squealing like a little kid, she said, "You pulled it off! I knew you would. And yet you doubted me," Mavis shook her head and laughed. Hey, you owe me," she nudged. "What was it that we betted on? It was food right? Gosh, I could really go for a meat pie."

How could she possibly be thinking about food right now? "Do we sell those here though?," her shoulders drooped in disappointment. "I used to devour those things back home in Melbourne, and I mean devour like those pies are next level!"

"You're thinking about a meat pie?," I questioned. Mavis nodded eagerly beside me. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok. We can get you a meat pie. I'm sure there's a shop somewhere that makes them—" Mavis clapped her hands and squealed once more. "Geez, you're like a seal," I chuckled lightly. "I can't just get you a meat pie though. There has to be something else you want? You have to tell me. I'm serious, Mavis."

She raised a brow and looked at me with curiosity swimming in her eyes. "And I'm serious too, Mara Jace." She crossed her arms. "I want that meat pie. Oh! And I want hot chips... but it won't have the same great taste without chicken salt," she sighed. "Oh well. I still want hot chips."

I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against the dorsal of her right had. "Other than food."

"But that's what I want!" She answered.

"I know you do," I replied. "But I'm not...," I pinched the centre of my forehead and swallowed the lump that quickly formed at the back of my throat. "I'm not letting you do this to me."

The warmth of her skin met the back of my neck. "What do you mean," she asked. "What's wrong?"

I reached for her hand and held it in mine. "I'm not letting you leave me like this. It's not fair. You don't get to leave me like that. It's not fair," I whimpered. Tears threatened to fall as I managed to lift my head and look up at her. "You can't."

Mavis held her head high. Her smile never truly wavered, like it didn't affect her, how soon enough, she'd cease to exist. "You have a lot of people around you, Mara. Even if I'm gone—"

I shook my head. "If you're gone I'd feel it. Ok? No matter how many people I have around me, it won't be the same without you. You're my friend. My best friend. Nothing about this is fair, and nothing you say will make me change my mind."

"And I'm not here to change your mind," she implied. "But you've known longer than anyone else. Haven't you?" I nodded. "There you have it. I still have a few days, maybe a few weeks. But you've got me now. We just have to treasure it."

My heart broke and my tears coursed down my face like an indestructible downpour. With my head falling into her lap, a loud sob tore through my throat. "I love you. I want you to know that."