Take My Breath | Catnipz

thirty three

IT'S INEVITABLE. Those were the two words that bore through my head like a screw through a wall. It's inevitable. But was it really? Was it truly that easy for everything to have fallen into place right here in front of my eyes? I shouldn't have left her alone; I should have trusted my gut.

The symphony of sounds that defined the hospital was ever-present: the beeping of monitors, the shuffling of patients and their families, nurses and doctors exchanging their thoughts, discussing patient charts, and dutifully making their rounds throughout the ward. The sterile scent of antiseptic hung heavily in the air, a constant reminder of where we were.

"Make sure to get some rest," I heard as my forehead pressed against the mattress next to Mason's arm. "Visiting hours are almost over."

I looked up to find Mason's dad hovering over me, concern etched deeply into his face, both for his daughter and, perhaps, for me too.

"Oh. Right," I answered rather hoarsely.

"You've been here every day this week," he noted. "Don't you have things to do?"

I nodded. "I do. But..." I took a moment to look at my girlfriend. "I don't want to leave her alone. I feel responsible," I admitted for the first time since we'd rushed to the hospital. "It just doesn't feel right to leave, so... here I am." I chuckled weakly, the concern on his face only deepening.

"Here you are," he repeated, a soft smile tugging at his lips. He cleared his throat and grabbed a chair to sit next to me. "Listen," he began, "we couldn't have done this without you. If I'm being honest, you've looked after Mason best."

My forehead creased. "You really think that?"

He nodded. "I do. We both do," he replied, referring to his wife. "It may not seem like she thinks that, but she's grateful for you, Mara."

My heart began to swell with an emotion I couldn't quite grasp. What was this feeling?

"T—thank you," was all I could really muster, unshed tears pooling in my eyes. I just wanted Mason to wake up. I wanted to kiss her as if I would never be able to touch her again. I wanted to tell her I loved her more than life itself.

How I felt for this girl was so much more than I could ever express in just words. Mason drives me crazy. That's a fact, and I stand by it even now. Because the longer she stays in this bed, the more I wish we could trade places. As long as she's okay, as long as she's healthy, I wouldn't mind taking on all the suffering she's been enduring.

"The nurse will probably kick you out when the time comes, but," he gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, "stay until then. I'm sure Mason would love that. Even if she's not really awake, it makes all the difference. She knows, Mara. That you're here. She feels it."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "What?"

"You're her lifeline, Mara."

The tears I'd been so desperate to keep in had begun to rain down like a storm I hoped would never come. "I'm her lifeline?"

He nodded, and I could see he truly believed it. "It took me and my wife a lot of time to really grasp that Mason could like a girl. Or to love one. But it's been perfectly clear to us that you, despite how we felt at first, you have done us a favour. A really great one at that."

I really couldn't comprehend what was happening. It felt quite dizzying, to be honest.

"What favour?" I wondered.

"You make her want to live."

The weight of his words settled over me like a warm, heavy blanket, grounding me in a way nothing else had in these past agonising days. I looked back at Mason, her face serene despite the chaos around us. The monitors beeped steadily, a fragile yet persistent reminder of life.

I reached out and took her hand in mine, feeling the slight warmth of her skin against my palm. "I just want her to be okay," I whispered, more to myself than anyone else. "I want her to come back to me."

Mason's dad placed his hand on mine, his grip firm and comforting. "She will, Mara. She's strong, and she has you. That's more than enough."

The tears continued to flow, but now they were mingled with a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, we could get through this. Together.

And when the time came for visitors to pack up and leave, I pressed one last kiss on Mason's forehead. Her skin was cool to the touch, a stark contrast to the warmth of my lips. "I'll be back here tomorrow," I whispered, my voice trembling. "As soon as they let me, I'll be here. Wake up soon, okay?" I hoped she could hear me, that somewhere deep inside she knew I was here, waiting for her.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," I continued, my voice cracking with the weight of my emotions. "So, please, just wake up. I miss you. Every day feels like torture and," I bit down on my lip until the metallic taste of blood pooled in my mouth, making me wince. "I just need you to be okay, baby. Please. I love you. Please don't give up."

I stayed there for a moment, my forehead resting against hers, our breaths mingling in the small space between us. The steady beeping of the monitors was the only sound in the room, a rhythmic reminder of the life still clinging to her fragile body.

When the sound of the nurse tapping her foot drew me away from my sentiment, I took one last, lingering look at Mason. Her face was serene, as if she were simply asleep and would wake up any moment, her eyes fluttering open to meet mine. But the reality was far harsher, and the uncertainty gnawed at my heart.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I murmured, squeezing her hand gently before letting it go. The nurse gave me a sympathetic look as I stepped back, her eyes filled with understanding and a touch of impatience. I knew I had to leave, but every step away from Mason felt like a betrayal, a widening chasm between us.

As I walked out the door, the weight of the day pressed heavily on my shoulders. The hospital corridors were dimly lit, a stark contrast to the bright, bustling world outside. I felt like I was walking through a dream, each step echoing loudly in the quiet hallway. The air was thick with the scent of antiseptic and the distant hum of machinery, a constant reminder of where I was and why I was there.

Outside, the evening sky was painted with hues of orange and pink, a beautiful contrast to the sterile world I had just left. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the cool, fresh air, trying to ground myself in the reality that seemed so distant. The world continued to turn, people went about their lives, oblivious to the turmoil inside me.

I glanced back at the hospital, its tall structure looming over me like a silent sentinel. The windows reflected the fading light, each one a small beacon of hope for the countless lives inside. Somewhere in there, Mason was fighting her own battle, and all I could do was wait and hope.

The thought of going home to an empty home filled me with dread. Every corner, every piece of furniture would remind me of her, of the life we had built together. But I knew I had to go on, to keep living, for her. She needed me to be strong, to hold on to the hope that she would wake up and come back to me.

With a heavy heart, I turned and walked towards the parking lot, each step taking me further away from her but also closer to tomorrow. A new day, a new chance for her to wake up and for us to start again. And until that moment came, I would be there, waiting, loving her with every fibre of my being.