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it's been a week. i've thought about my decision a lot. it's been really hard but i feel like i'm choosing the right one.

i woke up with maya laying on my chest. she's going home today. lucy and keira already left a few days ago as they had training.

i run my fingers through her hair until she wakes up. she looks up at me and smiles. i smile back and she comes up to kiss my lips softly. she rests her head in the crook of my neck and presses her nose into my neck.

after a while we change the babies and go downstairs. over the last week, maya has grown to really care for the twins and she really loves them. we eat breakfast and then go to the living room. i leave the twins with mum and jacob and me and maya go upstairs. she packed the rest of her things and got herself ready to go. i pulled one of her hoodies out of the suitcase when she wasn't looking and put it on myself. she smiled when she noticed and then went to my wardrobe. she pulled out one of my hoodies and put it in her suitcase.

"i hate saying goodbye" i said as i hugged her at the door. her taxi is outside and she needs to go now.
"me too. but hopefully i'll see you again soon. and if not soon enough, we can facetime every day" she said. i kissed her lips and then she left. as i closed the door, i licked over my lips to taste her for the last time in a while.

in the evening, leah came home after training. we all sat together at the dining table eating our food in mostly silence, although there was the odd conversation.
"i've made my decision about the club" i said breaking the silence. everyone stared at me.
"i'm joining arsenal" i said. everyone smiled but not as much as leah. she had the hugest grin on her face. she pulled me into a hug and kissed my head.
"i'm so proud of you" she whispered into my head.

after dinner i sat with leah on the sofa. she was holding lila, while matty lay on the sofa asleep.
"do you think i should message jonas now or wait?" i asked.
"whenever you feel ready. are you 100 percent sure you want arsenal?" she said.
"i've never been more sure of anything in my life." i said. that was true. i knew it was the best for me to join arsenal.

i pulled out my phone and typed in a message.

me: hi jonas, i just wanted to let you know that i would love to take you up on the offer to join, if it still stands. arsenal has been my childhood club and joining would be a dream come true. i feel that i would be making the best decision for not only me but also for my children by joining the gunners.

jonas: hi lily, of course the offer still stands. i'm very happy that you have chosen arsenal. i will set up a meeting for you to make a schedule and for you to officially sign a contract. the contract won't be signed until the summer transfer window, possibly during the euros.

soon later i went upstairs and took the kids to get ready for bed. i changed them and fed them. i got lila to sleep quite easily but matty decided to be difficult today. i walked around the room and rocked him in my arms but he wouldn't settle.

i took him into leah's room and she took him from me. he quickly settled in her arms.
"you are a lifesaver, honestly" i said to her.
"what can i say, i'm just clearly amazing at everything" she joked.
"well not everything" i said.
"alright. name one thing i'm bad at." she said.
"riding a bike" i teased with a smirk. she laughed while shaking her head as she thought back on her memories of falling off her bike or crashing into things.

soon matt was asleep in leah's arms and she brought him to my room. she placed him down in his bed and went back to her room. i got myself ready for bed and got in.

i felt really tired but my body didn't let me sleep. i needed maya. i always sleep better when i'm with her. she makes me feel so calm and relaxed. she makes me feel like nothing else matters in those moments. only us. only we matter in those moments, because those moments, are our moments.

i missed her company. i missed her closeness. her scent. the way her hair sprawls across the pillow, and the way her head rests on my chest. i miss how she holds onto my arm when i cuddle her and how she draws shapes on my stomach to help me settle. i missed the feeling of me running my hands through her long, soft, red hair. i missed everything about her. i need her in this moment.

i got up from my bed and grabbed her hoodie, which i had placed on my chair when i got ready for bed. i pulled it on and breathed in her scent.

i lay in bed and imagined her laying beside me. resting her head on my shoulder and placing gentle kisses on my neck. i imagined her rubbing her hand across my cheeks and cuddling into my side.

i pulled my phone out and looked at my lock screen. it is a picture of us holding my babies with her resting her head on my shoulder. we look like a little family. a very happy one.

i fell asleep with the thought of one day, having a family with maya. growing old together. i know it probably seems too soon the think about it yet. but i already know what i want with my future.
i want to live with maya, grow old together. i cant imagine my life with anyone else but her. i don't want anyone else but her.

A/N: the wordcount for this chapter is 1031
j hope you like it.
please leave any suggestions :)

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