My baby girl

Chapter 25: Toni meets her brothers

It's been about 8 hours since I had the twins and I'm exhausted, but not in pain anymore. Just a little sore, that's about it.

I want to get up and shower but I don't really have the energy to. Being in labor for so long took all the energy I had.

Toni woke up about two hours ago, but she doesn't know I had the boys yet. Betty got her up to change her and feed her, then she'll be in here to meet her brothers.

I now have three kids, wow. Imagine if I were to get a sperm donor. I would have three kids by myself. That would be tough.

"Babe how are you feeling?" Ve asked.

I looked at her with tired eyes saying "I'm very exhausted but overall I'm not in pain anymore" while also giving her a tired smile.

She kissed my forehead and smiled back.

Eventually Betty came in the room with Toni and Toni released a loud squeal.

"Toni baby, inside voice please"

Betty handed me Toni and I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Are you ready to meet your baby brothers?" I asked a smiling Toni and she nodded her head.

Ve handed me Caleb while she had Vincent. Toni smiles happily and gave Caleb a kiss saying "baby?"

"Yes princess, he's a baby. Just like you" I replied. She squealed happily shaking her hands.

"Inside voice baby" I say gently placing a kiss on her head.

She smiles and continues looking at the boys.

Toni reached over and gently poked Caleb on cheek and giggled. Then of course he started to cry so Toni had reached for Be.

I smiled and informed her that it's okay and that she's not in trouble.

After a little while we eventually put the kids to sleep and I even slept some myself.

1 month later

Recently I've noticed that since I had the twins, I haven't been around Toni as much as I should and this was something that I tried not to do.

I want to talk to her but sometimes it's very hard to get her to come out of headspace unless she does it on her own.

Yesterday she wanted to cuddle with me but between the boys and their on and off crying, I had absolutely no time to. By the look on her face when I denied, I felt so horrible and her feelings were very hurt.

There's also been a few times that I'm feeding one of the twins and she tries to move them so she can feed as well.

I'm not sure if it's jealousy really or if she just feels left out sometimes.

I feel even more bad because Toni typically has her clingy days and the fact that it's been a while, she misses being up under me.

I've been talking to Ve about Toni's recent behaviors and she thinks as well I should talk to her. If not I should work on spending time with her.

Which I have been trying but she's distance herself and is more with Be now and I can't be mad at her. Toni needs attention just as much as the twins do.

After I put the twins down for a nap, I decided that it's time I seriously try to talk to her. I made a promise to Toni and I want to keep it.

I headed downstairs into the play room.

"Hey princess, can you come with mommy for a second?" I said trying to grab her but she moved away from me clinging to Be.

It broke my heart that it's gotten this bad. Toni would never not come to me. This is why it's important that I speak with her.

"Cheryl she's not in headspace" Be informed me.

"Well good because I need to talk to her" I sighed a bit.

Toni looked at me and then back at Be.

"Please baby?" I added.

She hesitantly reached over for me and we went into Veronica's over for a bit.

"What's going on baby?"

She looked at me and nodded.

"Come on princess, what's going on in the tiny head of yours? You know you can always talk to me" I replied trying to make her ncomfortable.

She started to cry a little bit and it broke my heart, but I had to stay strong for her.

"What's wrong tt?"

"Mommy doesn't love me anymore?" she asked looking at me with her soft eyes.

"Baby, mommy will always love you. Why do you think I don't love you?"

"Mommy is always with da babies. Mommy has no more time for Toni. Toni gets jealous"

"I know baby and I'm very sorry for that. I made a promise to you and I've done nothing lately but let you down. I'm sorry princess"

"Toni misses mommy"

"I miss you too baby and trust me I haven't forgot about you and I never will. You are my first baby and I'll always love you no matter what"

"Really?"

"Yes, I will never leave your side and I will always be there for you as promised. You were a gift Ive always wanted"

"I wuv you too mommy"

I smiled and kisses her cheek.

"Now, I do want to talk to you about your jealousy. You've been getting upset when I'm feeding the babies or when I'm holding them a lot" I replied to her.

"You were my mommy first"

I sighed saying "I know and I'm still your mommy. It's just they're newborns and just like how you had to get used to me and a new environment is the same for them"

She nodded probably not really having a clue of what I just said to her haha.

She just rested her head on my shoulder and was playing with my top. I've definitely noticed that she misses me breastfeeding her.

"Toni's sorry mommy" she finally replied.

"Mommy's sorry too. I should've been spending more time with you"

She eventually reached her hand in my shirt.

"Toni are you hungry?" I asked softly and she nodded frantically.

I nodded with a smile and adjusted her in my arms unsnapping my nursing bra and she quickly latched on.

I'm still sensitive and she was aggressively suckling so I massaged her head causing her to slow down.

I feel really guilty about the way Toni felt. There's no excuse for the neglect she's received from me since the twins were born. I have to make it up to her soon.