My baby girl

Chapter 27: Concerns

Okay so I know I had a talk with Toni, but I still feel horrible about the lack of attention I have been giving her lately. There's been times I've actually cried because at one point it was just me and Toni.

Since Be, Ve and now the twins came into the picture, things haven't been the same. Yes I of course have noticed, but I brushed it off thinking things will go back to normal and it hasn't. I miss the bond Toni and I had before everything else. She was my first baby and I feel like I've done exactly what her parents did to her. Except the abuse part.

Even though Toni forgave me the last time I talked to her, I still feel guilty for my actions. I want to spend more time with Toni and I'm going to make sure of it.

I'm pretty sure if I make all of the time in the world for the twins, then I can do the same for Toni. She deserves love and attention as well.

Over time I've been going to therapy to help with my postpartum and my main worry was in fact Toni.

I was worried that I was going to be too busy with the twins that she'll hate me and I sort of feel like she does even though she says she doesn't.

To be honest, I don't blame her if she does. It's my fault things are this way and if I just tried harder, nothing would be the way it is now.

Maybe I thought I was ready to expand my family when in reality I wasn't.

Already I have failed as a mother...

I don't think I can ever forgive myself for this. Things must change or I may lose my baby girl and I don't want that.

I must talk to Be and Ve before things get even more worse than what they already are.

*

The kids are asleep right now and I asked Be and Ve to come into my office so I can talk to them.

"What's up?" Be said.

"Well I wanted to talk to you guys because I talked to big Toni and she shared a few things with me" I said starting to tear up some.

"And?" Be said.

"And she told me that she feels like I don't love her anymore and that I'm forgetting about her. Big Toni said that little Toni at one point thought about running away and just being alone" saying that broke me into pieces that I don't think will ever be put back together unless things change.

"Cheryl don't cry. Look things have changed a lot around here and sometimes neither of us can help that. Yes little Toni feels left out, but it's not just her anymore. It's the twins as well" Ve added in.

"But how is it fair to her when that the twins require a lot more attention?"

"Start spending time with her when the twins go down for a nap" Ve said.

That actually pissed me off.

"OR you can stop using work as an excuse and actually start HELPING me with OUR kids! Yes Betty is here but it shouldn't have to fall on her because you always want to be at work! She should be able to be free and do whatever, but no. She's been helping me because YOU'RE NOT HERE!"

"Cher calm down" Be.

"NO! I mean Betty look at the bigger picture here, when's the last time Ve has actually been here to help me without you having to?"

"..."

"My point exactly. I take care of three kids, my own youtube channel, cleaning, feeding, etc and YOU do nothing. How do you think that makes me feel? I barely have time for myself but do you see me neglecting OUR kids?"

"Well no, but things have to be paid around here, so if I have to be at work then so be it" She replied.

"SO BE IT? So you're just saying fuck Toni right?"

"Cheryl I'm not saying that. I'm just saying in order for you to be a sahm, sometimes I'll have to be at work a lot" Ve said honestly.

"I never asked to be a sahm and I make enough money for none of us to work if we're being honest here. I can help with the bills but YOU won't let me. Now whose problem is that?" I said getting even more pissed off.

She sighed saying "Mine"

"Exactly so if Toni leaves, you're leaving as well. GOT IT?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't think things would get this way"

"But it did Veronica. She's your child too and it's not fair to her when all the attention are on the boys. This is a situation where Toni needs the both of us right now and you working all of the time is not helping it at all. Shit I'm exhausted here"

"I'm sorry Cher"

"That's all you ever say but you never do anything to fix it. I made a promise to Toni and I've broken it because I'm just about in everything alone. You get here in just enough time to eat dinner and go to bed for work again the next morning. Ve I need you too" I said eventually walking out of the room.

I hated to walk out but there's nothing more to really say when all I keep getting is "I'm sorry". That's not enough.

Things need to change. Ve and I have kids that need us and I'm the only one that's there for them.

I try my best to get one on one time with Toni. I really do, but when you're the only doing everything, it's really hard.

Don't get me wrong the kids love Betty but at the end of the day she's not their parent and she shouldn't have to pretend to be that because the actual parent is barely present.

Nows the time that Veronica steps up and starts being here for me and the kids.

I'm at the point that if I'm going to be doing everything by myself, then it can just be me and kids here and no one else.

Simple.