Embers of the Holy War

Hanging Onto What's Left of You

In the next few days, Guang seemed like a shell of his former self. Physically, he was still here, but his soul seemed to not be here. Jin visited every day, talking to Guang to check on his mental state. He had also reported to Guang that the two of them and Maria the maid were the only survivors of the incident. Everyone else, including Bo, Ms Penelope and his parents, were dead.

Guang hadn't reacted to the news at all; or perhaps he was too tired to. At times, Jin felt like he was talking to a wall, but for Guang's sake, he still talked to him all the same. According to the doctors, Guang hadn't suffered any physical injuries, so the reason for his current state must be a psychological one.

Jin was glad that as the days went by, Guang showed more improvements. After a few days, Guang would break down every time he tried to talk to Jin, so the two of them couldn't even have a proper conversation, but at least he was reacting.

A week passed, and Guang seemed to have collected himself, but Jin knew he was putting up a front. He tried to smile and laugh as usual, but Jin had known his brother long enough to know that they weren't genuine. His smile was like fragile glass, his laughter would ring empty.

It was true that they had lost their home and their parents, Jin knew that. One thing he doesn't understand is how severely it had affected Guang. He had expected that Guang would pick himself up immediately to seek revenge from the demon king, but his brother seemed to be stuck in a conflict of sorts. Why? Wasn't it simple? The demon king killed their parents and afflicted their family with misfortune, so isn't getting back at the demon king the first thing he should do?

No, Jin shook his head as he left Guang's room after another checkup. It was probably Guang's way of mourning; Jin himself was the exception here. Having grown up under strict teachings and rigorous training, he had thrown aside his emotions for objectivity. At least, he thought he had.

In the empty hospital parking lot, Jin gritted his teeth and sent a garbage bin flying with a kick. On the occasion he returned, Guang had to run away from the manor, the manor burned down and his parents were killed! On top of that, Guang lost himself, leaving Jin to take care of the aftermath. The paperwork, the processes, the procedures - Jin barely had time to breathe himself. It agitated him to no end how, unlike him, the carefree Guang was so much more impacted.

Shrilly, Jin screamed, "It's not fair...it's not fair! Why do you mourn for father and mother more than I do?"

He knew the answer. He was the moon, while Guang was the sun. No matter how one sees it, the two of them just weren't the same.

***

On the tenth night, Guang had fully considered chucking away the earring.

He was very close as well. As he stood in front of the open window, the cold, night wind playing with his hair, he took in a deep breath. Earring in one hand, all he had to do was throw. Throw, and he will have discarded the illusion Sui had shown him. Throw, and he will have steeled his resolve. Throw, and Sui will truly be just a demon king to him.

He had taken one step forward, leaned his arm back, ready to hurl at full power, but when the moment came when he had to let go, he couldn't.

It was then he realised that he was only trying to run away. To try to make things simple, he was trying to turn away from that bright ray of hope Sui had shown him fifteen years ago.

He was a coward down to the core, wasn't he?

No matter how hard he wanted to hate Sui, he found that he genuinely couldn't. Just like how he wasn't able to let go of the earring, he couldn't let go of his feelings from fifteen years ago. That happiness that he felt back then was real; it wasn't an illusion at all.