Black & White

Chapter seventeen

The tournament ends in two minutes and we are very far from winning. 7:10 for us. I feel sweat from my forehead because I fear that my team is not going to win, even though I made a promise to Jules. Everything feels so slow, me and some forwards losing the ball again, our opposite team shouting of joy when their goals are multiplying and the goalkeeper missing the ball a few times. I can't blame him, everyone is putting their trust on me to win apparently.

As my coach is whistling, the velociraptors are shouting of victory, jumping and hugging each other. Our team seems very upset, and I am even more because I couldn't keep this stupid promise. I feel many emotions at the same time exploding in me, especially anger. I walk away, fast and I get in the changing room to calm down, knowing no one will go there before a while.

I look at myself in the mirror, my arms outstretched on either side of the sink and close my eyes, squeezing my fists so much it hurts and screams in anger. Maybe this tournament is not the world cup, but for me, it's still important. Very important. Soccer always owned a big part of my heart and my team always relied on me for everything.

I guess I disappointed them, and if they truly do, I understand. Because I disappointed myself too. Maybe even my girlfriend, best friend, family and... François. I would like my passion for soccer to come back, and to finally play again like before, like someone who has done it since he was a toddler.

I don't want to get out of the changing room and my coach is knocking at the door. "Hey buddy, your family is looking for you everywhere. Even that blonde girl you were talking to me about."

"Uhm, I'm changing", I automatically start to undress and put my clothes on.

"Take your time, but I would like to speak with you. Not a negative talk, okay?"

I still have to tell him that I'm not into soccer anymore. I'll find a way.

"Okay, I'm ready."

I get out of the place I stayed for long minutes and he smiles at me, even if I made us lose. "I'll say a few words to your parents and we will talk okay?"

I nod and look at him talking to my mom and waving at my girlfriend some meters away from the ladies of my family. I join him, meanwhile he's making me a sign from his head to come and we are going somewhere quiet where no one could hear us.

"You know, buddy, I'm still proud of you even if we didn't win."

I shrug my shoulders and pinch my lips, knowing that I am still not satisfied. "Well, that's because of me. I promised Jules I would make us win."

I am sitting on the floor and he is too, putting his hand palm on my shoulder. "Hey, what are you talking about? You can't blame yourself for not winning against the other team. You are not the only player out there. I just think the velociraptors were sort of more experienced."

I am shaking my head and my nape is gently knocking on the wall. "I am less good than I used to be. It makes me so mad."

"Hey Alexei, listen. You can't be good at something all the time. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some chances."

I think this is just a sign for me to take a break from soccer. And I hope the team won't think I am betraying them."François, honestly I've been losing interest in soccer for some weeks now. I try to still be there for my team but it's harder than I thought, you know."

My coach is pausing. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"I don't like to say this but..."I take some seconds before continuing my sentence "I think I'll take a break, François. Soccer isn't really a passion for me anymore, well for the moment."