Black & White

Chapter twenty seven

A huge headache wakes me up late in the day, and I'm still having the clothes I had yesterday, wondering why there's vomit on my shorts. I take them off, and throw them on the floor with abhorrence.  It's two in the afternoon, Wednesday June 26th.  My brain reminds me of what Vicky did yesterday, so I start crying, which makes me headache worse. I don't care anymore, to act like a man or not. I'm hurt by her, and she left a loud scar that is staying in my heart.

I'm acting like a boy, and not a man. I know, a man would not cry about this and would overcome that. A boy stay weak and cry. I struggle moving so much my head hurts. My phone is next to mine, and I grab it to call her. It will hurt, I'm aware of this, but I can't be left in silence without knowing her reasons for cheating on me. I feel like I'll melt in my bed and die here. It's so tiring to be feeling sad and empty all the time, and it will be worse because of her.

My stomach and throat are squeezing, I'm reaching her phone number, and waiting for her to pick up. She might will hang off or ignore the call. There are so many things she could do right now, and I have no idea what.

"Hello?" She picks up, rudely.

"Vicky, hi" I try to not sound sensible behind the phone.

"Are you sober now?" She asks, annoyed.

"Huh, what are you talking about...?" Really, I don't remember of what happened yesterday after coming at my friend's.

"You sent me texts, saying you wanted to open your hurt heart with a knife because of me and that you were sad I wasn't there so you could fuck me like I wanted and  you sent voice mails begging me to come back, crying."

Woah. I don't remember that at all. Was I that drunk...?

"I don't remember all that, Vicky."

"Well you did, you just have to look up on Snapchat." She speaks coldly. "Why are you calling me anyway? It's over, Alexei."

"I just want to know one thing, Vicky."

"What?" Says Vicky, almost screaming.

"Why did you do this? Why would you cheat on me with Marco? Vicky, Marco was my good friend."

She exhales loudly, thinking of her justifications and making me wait, for half a minute.

"Because... You know, it was for fun."

For fun?

"What do you mean for fun, Vicky?" I sarcastically smile, expanding my eyes well alerted that I don't want to hear the rest of what she has to say.

"I don't know, I just wanted to have fun, not necessarily falling into an emotional relationship like you wanted. I am not really into that, honestly", her honesty becomes brutal.

I heard enough. My brain heard enough, and my heart heard enough. But I still can't leave her justifications in suspense.

"Couldn't you just tell me that earlier, Vicky Duscheneau?" I talk back to her, waiting for better justifications.

"I don't know. Normally it's obvious if I only want to have fun", she says so neutrally.

"You are kidding me right?" I scoff. "I clearly asked you if you wanted to have a long term relationship with me, and you promised it to me. Even that you yelled at your parents that you love me, and that you won't  stop dating me only because I'm Russian."

I can hear a "oh my god..." from her while I'm speaking.

"I guess it changed, Alexei. You shouldn't have expect me to still desire it forever. It's not how I work. And, for the record, you didn't want to spice up things with me, so it meant you don't love me anyway. Marco did want it."