I Wanna Be.

Part 31

-Mani-

It was a complete disaster last night. I was feeling some type of because of what Lynn said. I shared a lot of information with her confidently, so seeing the replay of my experience was tremendously upsetting. I was in my feelings because what she said about Rome was true. Now I'm "his wife," and I'm not allowed to do certain things after he treated me the way he did. I didn't mean to wreak havoc on his life. I was willing to take care of Prince alone since I desperately wanted a child. Even thinking back to when I came into the picture, I understood how he felt. We could have had a good co-parenting relationship if he had handled the matter differently, in my opinion.

The shit Brittany did to me that went overlooked was wild. I'm now acting as though I won something. As though Rome were a prize. Although Lynn's words hurt, they helped me put things into perspective. I'm making it way too easy for him to get away with what happened. This was a conversation between us that definitely needed to be had.

After lying awake and lost in contemplation, my body signaled that it was time to get up. When I turned to look, Rome was fast asleep. I grabbed my phone from my bag and saw that B had called me three times. Don't get me wrong, I like B, but it felt like he was attempting to add drama to my life at a time when I was already dealing with plenty of it. I was worried that he would call at the wrong time while I was around Rome. After taking care of my hygiene, I get dressed for the day. Today, I chose a fitted white, black, and pink graphic shirt and some light blue high-waisted stacked denim jeans. I wore it with a pair of all-pink chunky tennis shoes. Even though gold looks better on my skin, I choose to wear silver jewelry today.

My already anxious mind was overcome by the need to eat, so I went downstairs. Lynn was sitting there and gazing at the wall. I approached her, sat beside her, and remained still. She began to speak on her own. Mani, I apologize; you had nothing to do with it, and I should never have brought it up. I'm sick of giving my all to niggas and getting nothing in return. I play the hard role, but I love Dre. Is it so wrong to want him to do right? This pregnancy scare is no joke to me. So what happens if that baby is his? Am I supposed to come second to his baby momma and their child? I know me, she iterated, and I will stop fucking with him altogether before I do that. Another thing is, she continued.

It tells me that you fucking people raw when this b*tch claims that your baby is hers. Not only are you putting your life at risk, but you're also putting my life at risk. I don't see why these grown-ass men are acting like fucking little boys. Why must we endure all of this bullshit in the name of love? I'm very sorry for bringing up B. I shouldn't have even put you on the spot like that. You deserve so much better than Rome, but even still, I shouldn't have said anything about B. Even so, that's still not an excuse; I was acting in the heat of the moment. I apologize, and I sincerely hope you will forgive me.

That's not my fucking baby. My heart felt like it would burst, so I grasped my chest. Dre scared the hell out of me. I didn't even hear him come into the room. Yea, right, I bet that's not your, baby, Lynn spat. I tried to get up, but she firmly gripped my hand and prevented me from standing. Dre went on to say. Lynn, you mean the world to me. When you call, I drop everything and come running. I fucked up, but I swear that's not my baby. You want me to admit to some shit I didn't do. I don't fuck no hoes raw, and you should know me better than that. Niggas out chea catching shit every day, and you know I'm not fucking with that. I'm not saying what I did was right, I'm just saying that even though I fucked up, ill never put you in harm's way. I'll do anything to prove to you that's not my baby. This time we have spent together made me realize you are the only one I need. You don't have to forgive or believe me, but I'll always make sure you're straight.