chris & matt sturniolo imagines

you're all i want

TW: this chapter talks about weight. i know some people, including myself, struggle with this topic so please, please be cautious if this is a trigger for you.

you're beautiful.

enjoy<3
———

I don't mean to be the way I am.

The constant fear of never being good enough.

Questioning my own worth as if it's someone else's decision to make.

But, here I am, reading through every single comment of the picture I had posted this morning.

Is she gaining weight?

Sorry girl but that shirt is NOT for you

Yikes

I didn't think I was gaining weight, it didn't feel like it, and to me it certainly didn't look like it.

"We're ordering food. You hungry?" Matt asked, showing me his phone screen to gesture to the food they were ordering.

"Uh, no." I lied, "Thank you, though." He sat down on the couch next to me, letting his body fall until I was resting on top of my thighs. My fingers combed through his hair out of habit while I played a crossword game on my phone. It was getting late and after reading countless hate comments, I was more than ready for this day to be over, "I'm kinda tired."

"It's only eleven." Matt turned to look up at me, "Are you sure you're not hungry? When's the last time you ate."

"Like noon." I answered to the best of my ability, "I'll eat in the morning." My body maneuvered to stand so I wouldn't push him off me, "Night, guys."

The triplets' voices flooded together in a mix of 'night' and 'goodnight' and once I was alone in Matt's room, I went back to the comments.

I don't know what Matt sees in her

Try a size larger hun

Slutty ass clothes

The sad part is, I know Madi received the same type of comments. She's the only person I talk to about this, neither of us understanding how they pick on our weight when we're the same size. To me, she looked phenomenal no matter what she was wearing.

"Hey, pretty. Why am I seeing tears?" Madi asked through the FaceTime call as I slid my AirPods into my ears.

"Reading comments." I answered. My hands covered my face, trying my best to silence my sobs, "They're so fucking rude."

"Fuck them." She scrunched her nose in disgust, "You're beautiful. I don't care what any comment says. If it's not from the guys or me, it's not true."

"I don't even want to tell Matt it's bothering me 'cause I'll sound stupid." My voice cracked and I tilted my head back to try and breath slowly, "They're just words."

"Words hurt, babes. That's why I always tell you—"

"Not to read the comments." I finished her sentence in unison, making us both crack a small smile, "I needed that." I admitted while wiping the tears. I knew that, if I called her, the tears would go away, even just for a moment.

"Pizzas here!" Chris yelled through the house.

"I gotta go." I told Madi.

"See you tomorrow." We ended the call and I slid under the blankets to pretend I was sleeping to avoid more questions about why I wasn't eating with them.

The bedroom door opened, letting in a sliver of light, "Babe?" Matt asked, "Y/n? I know you're not sleeping."

"Yes I am." I said from under the covers. The mattress dipped and I felt his hand rest on my waist. Remembering what the comments were saying, I scooted away until his hand fell.

"What's wrong?" He tugged at the blanket and I stopped him before it could go below my eyes. I didn't want him seeing the redness or halfway dried tears, "Did I do something?"

Hearing him think he was the problem made my heart break, the tears resurfacing, "No." The octave of my voice went higher and I inhaled a sharp breath.

"Come here." He said softly. Keeping my face in my hands, I sat up and rested my head on his chest as he hugged me. My arm wrapped around his as my shoulders trembled. I couldn't stop crying, especially now that I was in my safe place, "I wanna help, but I can't unless I know what's wrong."

I pulled away and let him wipe the tears off my cheeks, "Am I gaining weight?" For a split second, he looked at me as if I was crazy for asking, as if something like that would even matter.

"Even if you are, I don't think I'd notice, because I love you not your weight." He explained, "Is that why you're not eating?" I hesitated for a second, then nodded my head yes.

"I posted that picture you took of me and people are just fucking...horrible." I exhaled a breathe, wiping more tears with my sweatshirt sleeve, "Am I even good enough to be with you?"

"You are more than enough." He said confidently and sternly, "You are all I want."

"Are you just saying that 'cause I'm sad and crying?" I questioned.

"No. I'm saying that because it's the truth." He pushed some stray pieces of hair out of my eyes, "And because you're my girlfriend and I love you. Don't deprive yourself of food 'cause of shitty people on the internet. They suck." The way he said the last part made us both chuckle, but he was telling the truth. They did suck.

"Can I eat in here?" I asked. Even though Nick and Chris would never judge me for eating, something about isolating myself to eat made me more comfortable.

"Of course." He got off the bed and walked towards the door, "Be right back." I waited a few minutes for him to return, and when he did he had two plates.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he sat down on the bed, making himself comfortable and setting the plates down.

"I wanna eat with you." He shrugged and smiled at me sweetly, "It's like a little date."

"I love you." My face flushed with warmth and I grabbed the plate of pizza.

"I love you, too."

———

My weight is my biggest insecurity.