chris & matt sturniolo imagines

no you're not

Should I make some happier imagines?

———

I try.

I swear I do.

But life is exhausting and the weight of everyone else's problems on my shoulders is pulling me into the earth. I'm tired; mentally, emotionally, and physically.

"And then—are you even listening to me?" My best friend, Tori, quickly asked when she realized I was staring off into the distance. I grabbed my iced coffee and took a sip before pulling myself back into the conversation.

"Yeah, sorry." I apologized, "I didn't sleep good last night. I was up helping Chris—"

"This is important." She cut me off. We used to be best friends, but something had changed within the past year. She's more selfish now, more demanding and pushy. She treats me as though I'm her pet, as if I'm her saving grace, "Anyway, after that happened I was like what the fuck, y'know? Cause why did he say that?"

"Right..." I trailed off and pretended to listen to her problems. Not that they weren't important, but I can only hear the same shit so many times before I want to scream at her to shut up.

>>>

"Are you home?" My mother asked through the phone as I held it between my shoulder and ear.

"Yeah, just got back with food for the guys." I answered and let out a sigh as I dropped my much too heavy purse on the steps, "I gotta start laundry and then—"

"Perfect! Your father is drinking again and I need your help picking up a desk I bought from a friend—"

"Mom, I can't. I have things I have to get done." I didn't mean to sound rude, but my life is important too, "I have to do laundry and film a couple ads and Nick said he wanted my opinion on a new editing style he's trying."

"Well, I'm glad those boys are more important than me." She said sternly, "I'll call your sister. At least she cares enough to help." The line went dead and I let out a confused, frustrated scoff.

Without even realizing, I had began whispering to myself, "Fuck your stupid desk, fuck your stupid boyfriend problems. Fuck—"

"Hey, what'd you grab for food?" Matt looked down at me from the top of the stairs and I held the fast food bags up, "You're the best. Thanks." He came down the stairs and grabbed the bags along with my purse, bringing it up the stairs and setting it on coffee table in its usual spot, "Chris is in the shower."

"I got you guys the same thing. I hope that's fine." I already felt like a screw up today, so disappointing them with dinner definitely wasn't on my bucket list.

"It's fine, this is perfect." Matt wasted no time and dug right in.

"You're home." Chris came upstairs, his hair still wet, barely even towel dry, "How was your day?" He gently massaged my shoulder as he walked behind me and took the chair next to me.

"It was good." I lied, "Caught up with Tori, talked to my mom. It was eventful. How was yours?"

"It was good. We got a lot done here and then played some Fort. Nick said he doesn't need help til tomorrow now, something about his computer updating or some shit. I don't know." Chris explained with a small shrug. They are their food and I stole bites from my boyfriends here and there whenever he offered.

"Alright, I'm going to bed. See y'all losers tomorrow." Matt threw away his empty containers and made his way to his room, "Thanks for the food!"

"You're welcome!" I laughed at the fact we had to yell and helped Chris clean up the kitchen, "You wanna watch a movie or something?"

"What's 'or something'?" He looked me up and down, causing me to playfully push his chest away from me, "I'm kidding. A movie sounds good." He followed me down the stairs to his room and I changed before crawling into bed.

I let him pick the movie, knowing I've picked the last few times. The movie began and I found myself off in my own land, staring at the wall through the darkness.

When the world goes quiet like this is when I realize that I'm only important when I'm giving or helping. Why is my existence not enough for anyone?

"You okay?" Chris' voice startled me and I jumped ever so slightly in place.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I lied for the second time today. My eyes never left the random spot on the wall, even though I could feel him staring at me.

"No you're not." He said, his voice softer and more gentle than the initial question, "I knew earlier you weren't. What's going on?"

I broke. I told him all about how Tori belittled my life in order to put her problems on a pedestal. How my mom degraded me for not helping her pick up a stupid desk. How I felt lazy for not getting my things done today, because honestly I couldn't muster the mental strength to do anything other than exist.

"All I can do anymore is just...exist." I wiped a tear from my cheek and sucked in a deep breath, "And I just want that to be enough."

"It's enough for me." Chris promised, "Seeing your face every day is enough to make me happy. You don't even have to do anything. We could lay in bed, make the entire room a mess, not clean anything, and I'd still have the best day ever." He rested his hand on my cheek, "You existing is the best thing to ever happen to me."

I knew he meant every word.

And suddenly, the weight on my shoulders was just a bit lighter.

________

So for some reason my bold and italics isn't working right now and it's frustrating me, BUT I hope you all enjoyed this cute little idea!

I haven't had the chance to do any requests cause I'm so behind on watching their videos and podcasts, which is what a lot of my requests are based off of.

My life is still a disaster but I'm alive! I'm doing my best and I hope you all are too <3

Apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors, I'm too tired to fix them right now. Have an amazing day/night my beautiful readers <3