Whats more Chay

15) Compromising

Note I combine 'Chays Stress' with 'Figuring It Out.' I hope you enjoy it.

  After I stormed off, I thought about going to my bedroom. I didn't want to talk to anyone or even see anyone, but I did need air, and it was a breeze morning, so I went straight out. I looked around, remembering the night's events. It's the second time some rival has attacked this place, making me uncomfortable just to be here. But this time, my brother has been severely injured. What would I do without him? Would I still be welcome here, or would I have to be alone? I take out my gun and look at it. It's stunning. I don't know anything about it. I need some practice with it. I look at my family's crest, lightly touching it. " Mom, Dad, I miss you so much," I said just above a whisper. I turn it over and look at the Theerapanyakul crest. What does it mean to be a Theerapanyakul? I put my gun away back in my waistband. My brother would be able to tell me. I want to see him so bad, but I'm scared to see how he is.

I was wandering around the courtyard and ended up by the present. I didn't even get the chance to open any. I put my hand on the pic Kim had given me. I picked up the first bag, tossing the tissue paper out. It revealed two wine bottles. I took one out and looked at it.'Cuvée de Siam red wine. I took the other one out, Chenin Blanc white wine. I don't know much about wine; I couldn't care less. I pulled out my old house keys and opened the red one.  I struggled, but eventually, I got it open and took a big gulp. It was bitter and sweet at the same time. It wasn't bad. I just wanted to feel numb for a while. 

  I move on to the next, unwrapping a box revealing the name Mango Mojito. When I opened it, it was shoes that I had never heard of. They looked nice, but the color made me not want to wear them. I looked at the size, and it wasn't even mine. I took a big swig of the red wine and pushed the box to the side. I opened another box, and it was a Gucci shirt in an off-white color. I'm sure I would wear this at some point. I looked at the size, which was too big but still wearable.

  I opened five more. Nothing was my size or something I would wear. I made it a game of everything that wasn't my style or size. I took a drink. After five more, I started to feel tipsy. Then I saw a pair of pants I liked and was my size, putting them next to the Gucci shirt. After two more presents, I started to cry. Not one of these things is me. A gift should be from the heart of the people you love and love you. None of these people loved me or even cared. I took a long drunk, taking it in three gulps. And I cried small sobs just drinking.

  I take a look around. This place is my home now, I thought. No, it doesn't feel like home. My home is lying in a bed just out of surgery, fighting for his life. I remember how hia looked covered in blood, fighting for every breath he took. My home abandoned me to fall in love. I put the bottle to my lips, but nothing came out. No, he didn't. I'm 18. Now, it's time for him to do his own thing. I hope he gets better to have the happiness he deserves. I put the empty bottle on the table and reached for the other. My hia loves it here. I reminded myself.

  Love is so complicated. Tay, Kim, and Ice come to my mind as I open the bottle and take a drink. Who needs love? Like, really, why can't I have fun? If love makes me choose between these three, then is it love? I have loved Kim for as long as I can remember. Well WIK, I loved WIK since he became an idol, and I heard his silky voice, but then I got to know him, and I fell in love with Kim. Loving Kim is like loving two different people. Do I even know the real him? I sighed, drank, and lit another one of Kim's cigarettes.

 I placed my hand on the pic he gave me, taking it off for a better look. I rubbed my thumb over the letters Chay and Kim. "If you loved me so much, why did you leave me in the first place? " I said out loud. Stupid fucking Kim. I take another long drink and put the necklace back on. If I loved Kim so much, then why did I let another man fuck me and messed around with another all day yesterday.