He Hates Me Or Does He?

PART 11: AFTERMATH

"Are you alright"? says Vihaan turning towards me. He looks concerned.

"I am okay. I am fine. I am sorry I didn't mean to". I say. I feel like my whole head is going to explode. It hurts and all of it has shaken me inside. After all this time, I couldn't answer Aadarsh looking right at him.

"I think you are in pain. Let's go see a doctor. You don't look that good to be honest." Vihaan says with a sort of deep concern.

"I am really alright sir. There's no need really. It's fine. I am fine." I say
" Okay then you should head home. You should take some rest."
"Okay sir. I'll get ready with my report then I can." I reply

Vihaan looks greatly puzzled. He is starting at me for too long and I am trying to divert my eyes from here to there. My wrist is sore, my elbow hurts but my head, it just hurts a lot. He's looking at me and wondering why am I acting so okay with all that happened. Maybe because I already know that if it's Aadarsh, things like these will happen. I don't expect anything from Aadarsh except pain and hurt. So I have become used to this behaviour.

It makes me wonder. Maybe it's the thing with woman and man who suffers abuse. Sometimes the abuse and manipulation is so invisible and hidden, that it takes years for us to realise that it's okay. Aadarsh used to abuse me but his aftermath of limitless expression of love and good talks made me feel every time that he is getting better and he will.

The sad part is he didn't. He is even more mad now. I recommened him therapy one time and it was the first time he choked me. Now when I look back, I realise that how can I be such a fool. So even after all this time, when he has given me scars again, I don't feel surprised at all. How can I expect something better from him? I can never trust him now, even if he will change for good.

The only thing I feel angry about is me. Why did I get scared again? I tried to speak, I tried to show that I have become a lot mature than before but his toxicity just crossed all its bridges. So I just want to forget about it all. Every little piece of him.

I am numb. I don't want to speak. I don't want to cry. I just move on to my desk to make it all good and Vihaan is still standing there trying to figure me out. He understands that I don't want to talk to anybody maybe so he leaves the library.

I try to focus on making the report. I am writing the names with sketchy writing. I just can't focus. I just want to get over with this.

I am about to finish up the work and I sense a sudden opening of the library. My heart stops for a second. I think it's Aadarsh again. But it's Abhi.

"Oh hello sir (since he's my senior)." I say with a weak smile.
" Hey. Why did you call your boyfriend here? Things like that are not allowed." Abhi says angrily.
" What? I didn't call him here. He came on his own and he's not my boyfriend." I reply with a straight tone.
" I don't care. You know Vihaan Sir doesn't like things like these especially negativity travelling through his library. How can you make such a silly mistake? " He says

"But sirr I...."
" I don't want to hear any ifs and buts. Keep your drama to your home and especially out of this place. Don't grab attention with these petty nuisance of yours. Next time, i experience this and you'll experience a cut in your salary". He says sternly.

Wait is he being serious? He really thinks I would do this to grab some "attention". And what did Vihaan say to him? Did he really scold him for all of this? I can't take any more trauma at this point. Abhi leaves the library after warning me one more time which I didn't listen to.

My head is really dizzy now. I don't know what I should be feeling like right now, traumatized or strong I don't know. I just want to sit back and work and be strong and ravenous like I always wanted to be. I close my PC and start packing. Suddenly, I see my notebook's last page. Something is written over there. It's some quote I wrote one day. I feel a tear sliding through my one eye. Now it's just unstoppable. I can't I just can't. I put my head down and start to sob. Why me after all this time? Why me?

Nobody's there with me right now. I can't call my bestfriend. She must be in college right now. She's in USA these days. More than calling anybody what I need is just to let it go. I complete my session of tear dancing and head to home. It was not a long day but a miserable one.

I reach my home and to my surprise, my cousins are preparing a dance for the mehendi. The wedding is there after 15 days. Still a long time to go but we are enjoying ourselves still.

Sanjana Di pulls me to dance. I can't stop feeling miserable. But after about 30 minutes, I am into it too now. It's calming me down to my surprise. Afterall, sometimes all you need is your family.