He Hates Me Or Does He?

PART 26: FEAR OF FAILURE

I am trying to recall what all I have done until now in terms of my preparation. The anxiety is too much. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to get through this examination. Afterall, what are the chances? Just 0.001. Should I really do this or I just should just go to foreign to pursue my dreams further. I take a re-look at my offer letters in my email trying to figure out what to do with it. I know that this examination is what I want to do. But would I be able to make it?

I talked a lot with my consultant today and she convinced me in every sort of way to leave for UK since I've got my offer letters from really good unis like Edinburgh, King's, LSE, UCL for my Masters in International Relations but something still does not feel right. I can very well establish my career there. People in here will start to respect me more even rather than looking at me with the eyes where I am doing nothing at all.

All these thoughts are crossing my mind time and again. Today, in the library I've spent a lot of time researching about my alternatives. I am 22. It's high time. It's also because I don't want to think about Aadarsh and his miserable behaviour towards me at all. His karma will make him suffer. I know that he has taken this manager job to get back at me or worse control me.

Day after tomorrow is the sangeet and I have still not decided on my attire. I just feel miserable. After getting done with my work, I observe Vihaan engrossed in his work like anything. Even though I did not like him at first, I feel like I should go upto him to say what I wanted to. I wanted to say thankyou.

" Hello Sir. I have completed all the pending reports I had to for today and the graphical presentation of the same. If you want, I can give you some insight on the statistics. Do you want a quickie?" I ask calmly.

" Sorry but whaaattt??" He asks shockingly. I quickly realise what I had said.

" I mean do you want a quick into of the report and observations." I stammer.

"It's fine. Just leave it here." He says while still focusing on his work.

" Sir I brought this for you. It's a thankyou note from my side". I say while keeping the note on his table.

He lets out a weak smile and replies " It's all okay. It's my duty towards my employees. I am glad that you are doing better now. Have you scheduled your appointment with Ahana yet?".

" There is no need for that sir. I am all okay now.'" I lie.

As I leave, I really wonder why he helped me with such kindness. Before this, he always hated or atleast did not like me. Maybe he just pitied me.

As I reach downstairs, I see Ahana giggling with Aashna di and Kalpana. With her, there's Sanjana di and Krishant Bhaiya too. I go over to them with excitement. But they all are dolled up in pretty and hot dresses.

" What a pleasant surprise. What are you guys here for?"

" Oh we got invited here to a clandestine soirées." says Aashna di winking her one eye.
" Umh what"? I ask confusingly.
" Are I mean we are here for a secret party that Vihaan has organised." She says.
" But he's working up there." I say.
" Oh honey take a rest." She says.

" Well you should come too Anika. Go and get dressed." Ahana says cheeringly.

" Uh no I am already tired." I say because I don't remember getting an invite.

" Ah I don't think it would be good if she would come. I think it was made very clear that only few can join and unless She has not received an invite personally, there's no way." says Kalpana.

" Ah and I am just really tired. I should go." I say while leaving abruptly. I mean there's no need for being rude for no reason. Meanwhile, obviously I am not a friend of Vihaan that I should be feeling sad. Above all, I made him pay for a lot of losses due to my foolishness.

I see Aadarsh coming from the guesthouse in a very chic suit with Kabir bhaiya.

I feel panicked. I turn my way back and go pass Ahana to the first floor washroom. What am I doing? I am just avoiding people now? I take a deep breath and take a small peek from one end of wall.

Everyone's meeting each other, hugging and shaking hands. They all move towards the ballroom in the first floor.
I see them pass away and head towards my guest room. I am rushing so much so that a vase falls down by the door. And I feel terrible already. God why is everything so shitty.

I turn around and I spot Aadarsh looking right at me. But he stays unhinged and is just staring. I start moving away but

" Anikaaaa" shouts Ahana loudly.
I turn around and there is she rushing towards me. " Oh god. Why are you so impatient? I wanted to tell you that you should go and get dressed. Vihaan told me to invite everybody but I couldn't spot you earlier. Now please just go and wear something and you look so pretty already gurll.. go get changed asap." She says in such a cheerful voice.

" Ah I am already very tired Ahana. I can't." I stutter.

" Hushhh." She says hushing over one finger on her mouth. " No excuses." She turns around and walks away. She looks so heavenly today gosh. No wonder she's with Vihaan.

I still don't want to go though so I go over to my room and fall on my stomach on my comfy bed and within no time I fell asleep.

10:30 p.m.

I wake up with sweat all over my face. Damn it's been two hours. I drink a lot of water patiently and take a deep breath. J can't sleep. I have to revise my economics.

I open my book and notebook and start writing. After over 2 seconds into it, I get such a bad feeling of not doing a thing. I miss my people. Over all, I miss my best friend so much. It's been 6 months of her going to London. She's having the time of her life, got in Cambridge to pursue law, made good friends, eats well, is fit. She's kinda my role model in a way. I am not in a habit of disturbing her once or ever but sometimes I just really need her and I don't nudge her thinking she might get distracted. You see, everyone's got their own busy life. It's too tough to take out time in this generation.

But now I think I should go and get ready for the party. I will go and just sit there nothing else. It's better than staying alone and thinking bullshit about how crappy my life already is.

I take out my velvet royal blue high slit bodycon dress. I have not got ready since ages like this and that too in here. But after seeing everyone at their best outfits, why should I leave behind. I go and take a shower, put some make up on and then finally my dress and my silver crystal heels. I let out a laugh seeing myself in the mirror. Now this is the Anika I was talking about. Bold, fierce, super talented and super gorgeous. I hate the way I undermine myself daily. But thus is life and it's okay. I know one day I'll let my hardwork make it's noise.

I take a deep breath and slide my anxiety sideways. I head towards to the party.