He Hates Me Or Does He?

PART 23 : TRIGGER

I couldn't sleep all night so instead of trying to sleep, I just wrote down my feelings and cried a ton. Those hot flashes and bad feeling kept coming on to me. I think I won't be able to stay here any longer with these panic situations. These are eating me up.

Since my childhood, I've had good amount of anxiety. But I never expected them to take this turn one day. I don't know why it's all coming down on me now. But I surely need to make some changes in my routine and ofcourse be less stressed out. Stress is not good for anybody let alone me. Dr Google is so sure that I have heart attack symptoms so for relief I went to submit my blood test today. My bp is normal than before but I feel that I take stress way too much due to which I might be having BP irregularities throughout the day.

My neck and left hand hurts even today. Whatever might be the case, I am stressed today. I met Ahana and told her about my problems. I did not ask for a therapy session. I obviously can't tell her all the truth + it's expensive. She was really sweet to me. She recommended a lot of things to me and I am grateful for that - any medications. I feel scared still. I don't wish this feeling even on my worst enemies.

I informed my mom to talk to Aadarsh's mom and dad. I hope she handled the situation well. I did what Aadarsh tried to convey. The reason my mom would tell for my behaviour would be something like : Ahana is under a lot of pressure and stress and she might have overreacted in her loneliess blah blah blah. I don't even want to repeat those sentences.

I am drinking coffee in the library cafe thinking that it increases bp and stress too. Since yesterday, hypochondria has gotten over me real bad. It's been a long and sad day today and I am in no mood to sit in the library all alone.

I reach the gate and Vihaan is already there reading Kafka today. Wow. I am amazed. But what I see today seems very different. I observe him today. I see me in him. He is heavily engrossed in his book sitting on the floor on the support of one shelf. I have rarely seen him in his glasses. All this time, I rarely see him closely. It's always been me running here and there and barely observing him.

Keeping all the books and reading aside, he looks gorgeous otherwise too. So it's kinda obvious that almost everybody likes the way he looks and sounds. I have never seen him working out but he is quite well built. He looks so peaceful at this moment. Agh I wish I could read too something other than my syllabus.

And here he is turning his head all of a sudden and looking at me blankly. And hot flash again.
" May I come in sir?" I blabber fastly.
" You in 2nd standard still?" He replies back calmly turning another page.
" Uh I thought I should ask since you're so engrossed in your book." I say going inside and putting my stuff on the table.
" Uh do I look that good while reading?" He asks folding his hands together.
Damnn. " Uh I was just remembering what happened yesterday nothing else. And I kind of want to read too so yea" I say trying to convince him.

"Right." He stands up and puts the book on the table. " How are you feeling today?" He asks
" Better now. Gave some tests today just in case." I say.
" Huh" He grins. " It was panic nothing else." He says with a double affirmation on his face.
" How are you so sure? Do you also have them?" I ask curiously.

" No. I just know." He says not sparing any details.
" Ohkay. Well it's all better now. Nothing to worry about." I say.

" You should go home. Get some rest." He says.
" What??" I am shocked. What is he saying. This man of all people is giving me a spare leave. What? Why? Is he in love with me or what?? Hahahaha.
" You should. You need it. I also have to meet Krishant today. I'll drop you. We will leave in 30 mins." He says while turning away.

" Oh thankyou so much. I am alright though." I say cheeringly. He lets out a weak smile.

I pack my bags happily singing and dancing. My parents are also there today. I am so happy. My happiness knows no boundaries. The wedding will be in 15 days and I will have to take leave before that.