My Kidnapper-Tokio Hotel-

Addiction

(Reminder: No one's perfect even if they look it. Don't underestimate someones life with just one look.)

I stare at him. The way his face is so much different. I know it him but it gives me this unsteady feeling. "Hawkins-" i start "Yes?" He says quick catching me off guard. "I really enjoy that u care for me but i wanted to ask, is everything ok-" he slams his lips into mine cause me to fall onto the couch. I push him off "What are you doing!" I yell as he looks at me with a smirk. "I know you want to." He says going to kiss me again. I block his face "No! Get off!" I say trying to push him off "Dont be ridiculous!" He laughs sarcastically the annoyance in his voice. "Im not! Get off! Please!" I say still trying to push him off "Fuck Jade!" He yells hitting the couch by my head "You just dont know when to stop do you!" He yells as i flinch.

His eyes go wide suddenly as he gets off me. "Jade-Nova! Im so sorry!" He says fixing my shirt as i get up slapping him off me. He looks at me as the fear still holds. Sorrows in his eyes but not regret. "What was that about." I say putting my knees to my chest. He sighs. "You should know." He says laying his head back. "Well i dont." I say with attitude. "Carson." I look at him confused as he gets up. "Dark hair, blue eyes." He says with expectation in his eyes. I furrow my eyebrows at him as he rolls his eyes "Your gang-Tokio hotel killed him! At the bar!" He says as it all comes to me. "You mean the one who sexually assaulted me?" I say as he looks at me "He didn't assault you." He scoffs. "Hawkins he almost raped me. He made me pass out." I say as he shakes his head. "No Carson wouldn't do that. He wouldn't hurt anyone" "Well he did" i say "And what does that have to do with this" i start as Hawkins takes a deep breath. "Well i sorta have this..addiction." He says as i sit up more "Addiction? For what?" I say not expecting a lot. "Rape." He says as i look at him weird. "Rape?" "Yes, a year after you left i was at a party and i got intoxicated and sorta..raped this girl. But she wanted to at first but when she noticed i was being a bit harsh since i was drunk she tried to leave. But i didn't let her." he says looking at his hands. I look at him disgusted "And over time i craved it more and more. So I did it. I dont understand myself. Im a good person. I think, i just cant stop. The struggle amuses me." He says with a little laugh trying to get me to understand. I was disgusted "Amused? What the fuck is wrong with you." I say getting up. "No, Nova you gotta understand i didn't want to." He says as i start walking. "Then why did you!" I say turning around. Hawkins looks at me in the eyes. His start watering as he looks down. "I- for 3 years. On and off. I got raped by my uncle. You remember that one guy that you saw smoking on my porch. And i think it did something to me. Im traumatized. And for some fucked up reason the only thing to get it out of my mind is doing it to others. I have a personal therapist thats trying to help me find something else. But its so hard." He says tears running down his cheeks. "Hawkins. I didn't know. But your supposed to be in jail. And that wont make up for what you did." I say as he shakes his head "I know i know. Just please, stay." He sobs. I sigh before giving him a hug. He did save me and I've heard of this before. Inflicting on others to make you feel better. That's definitely like the Boys. And its wrong, but he's my friend. And he spent his last childhood years to find me. I cant throw that away immediately.

"Ok. But if you fuck up again im leaving. And its no time till they find me." I say as he shakes his head. "They wont, i promise." He says hugging me tighter. I would like to believe that. But the why Tom and Bill looked at me. And the way Lyla and Ziggy looked at me too. I knew i wasn't gonna be here for long.

++*TOMS POV*++
Im getting her back. No one gets what they want. Especially with me.

I walk into the kitchen as the boys play cards. They become silent as they look at me. "So, what are we gonna do today?" Gustav asks as i pour myself a glass of water. "Same thing we do everyday." I say gripping the cup as Bill shakes his head "No, tom your gonna end up killing a lot of people that don't deserve to be killed." He says as i roll my eyes "No i wont." I say slamming my cup on the table. "Go get ready." I say low and angry as i walk back to my room. I throw on a skinny silk gray shirt and a black vest. I put on some baggy black jeans and my bandana. Slipping on my shoes and brushing my teeth before heading downstairs again. They were all ready even the girls. I nod as they walk out the door except for bill. He looks annoyed and mad. "Do not order them. And dont tell me what to do ever again" he says in a cold voice "Or what" i say snotty crossing my arms. "Do it again and you'll see" he says patting my cheek as i smug him off before walking to the garage and jumping in my car.

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