Legal's Never Been My Thing

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December 8, 1983

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December 8, 1983

The first time Evie Deal got arrested was in the troubled country of West Germany. The band was there playing a night in the old timey-looking city of Bremen before stopping in the Netherlands, and then they would be playing a string of shows nearly every single night in West Germany, Belgium, and France. Then, they would finally be able to go home (if only for three weeks before the North American leg began).

Their stay in Bremen began just as it would end: poorly. It was a dreadfully long drive from Stockholm, where the previous show was. Normally, it should have been a little over twelve hours, but when they factored in the snowy conditions, it turned out to be closer to fifteen. They did it all in one shot, leaving in the early morning of December 7, just a few hours after the Stockholm show ended.

Evie was tired from working at the gig and was hoping to just sleep through most of the ride. The guys, though, seemed to never rest. Instead of being able to go to the nearest pub or strip club and harassing the poor residents of whatever town they happened to be playing in that night, their chaos was confined to a 45 by 8 foot bus.

While Evie climbed right into her bunk, the band, a few of the roadies, and Ozzy Osbourne went straight to the front lounge, where they had enough booze and drugs to poison an entire town. But Ozzy, having been in the business longer than Evie had been alive, knew that if the drugs didn't all get consumed by the time they made it to the German border, they would have to go to waste. As soon as the music, laughter, and drunken yelling began, Evie put in her earplugs, pulled the blanket over her head, and naively assumed the guys would drink themselves to exhaustion before too long.

The first loud crash came almost an hour into the ride. It was followed by a quick bout of silence, and then cheerful hollering and laughter, and then two more loud crashes. Evie, still not having gotten anywhere close to sleep, sat up. She opened the curtain to her bunk, swung her legs off the side of the bed, and looked around. Tom Zutaut, who had also been trying and failing to sleep through all the noise, was already out of his bunk. He was standing near the door that separated the bunk area from the front lounge. He almost didn't want to open the door in fear of what he'd find.

"What the fuck are they doing?" Evie whined.

"Costing me a lot of fucking money, that's what they're doing."

Evie hopped down from her bunk and walked toward the door.

"Should we go out there?" She asked. "Tell them to shut the hell up?"

Cue another loud bang followed by more laughing. She heard Tommy say something like, "that one... was...that one...yeah."

Zutaut groaned and turned the handle. Nobody in the front lounge noticed their shocked stares as they realized what was going on: the guys were throwing Jack Daniels bottles at a table, seeing who could shatter theirs the most. And worse, Mick was passed out drunk at said table, meaning he was covered in broken glass and liquor.

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