tension // lee minho

chapter nineteen

there's a lot to unpack

choi soomin

"soobin said what?" chan asks, laughter filling the car. i sigh.

"he said my heart lives in my vagina." i deadpan, this being the third time i had to repeat it because he found it so hilarious.

"that's a good one. i'm gonna have to start using that." he says, clutching his stomach in laughter.

"anyways." i sneer. "he might be right."

"oh? you like minho?" he asks.

"i don't know. i think about him sexually all the time, literally all the time. but then he talks to me and my heart starts beating a mile a minute and my stomach feels weird." i pout.

"maybe he just makes you nervous. afraid that he's gonna know all the little sexual fantasies you have about him." chan teases, poking at my temple.

"i don't know. and the way he talks to me... it's... different." i shrug.

"different how?" he asks.

"like... yesterday. i asked him why he put me in your room after we slept together, and i was all upset about it, but instead of like... telling me i'm being ridiculous, or overreacting, he apologized." i tell him, recalling the words he said to me. i admired the way he never seemed to escalate my emotions, but rather calm them down.

"so what you're saying is, if it was just a one night stand to him, he would have said that you're looking to much into it. like, you think it meant more to him?" he clarifies.

"yeah... something like that..." i nod. "i don't know, i just think... why would he care to make it right if he didn't want it to happen again, you know?"

"yeah, i get it. but, not to play devils advocate, minho is just a nice guy." he starts. "i know you never really thought so, but he really is a nice guy. i'm saying this because i don't want it to happen to you, but a lot of people get attached to him because of it when he's really not looking for anything serious." i groan at his words.

"how do i know the difference?"

"ask him." he says simply.

"what?"

"minho is very mature. he's big on communication. he's not going to beat around the bush. if you want to know something, just ask."

"it's too soon to ask something like that." i shake my head.

"how come?" he questions.

"well, if i ask him... and it's nothing more than just sex to him, he might not want to sleep with me anymore cause he thinks i have feelings." i tell him.

"but... you do have feelings." he cocks an eyebrow at me.

"i'm not sure. i think i might... but i don't know."

"right... so what are you going to do then? suffer in silence so you can keep getting dicked down?" chan chuckles slightly.

"yes. it's not like i'm in too deep yet. i mean, if i don't even know my feelings, i doubt minho does." i shrug.