Shades of Lies ✔ [Completed] #Book1

19. Little Friend

Athulya's POV

I always had trust issues, with others and my own self as well. Love has always been something that I never wants to try because I fear . Fear from getting betrayed , fear of hurting others , fear of being unwanted. I even never loved myself  and I don't know if I will ever be able to.

Life has always been an upredictable coin for me , it has head and tails but none of them is in my favour. I always have been a thing , which people feel pity upon. Whenever I tried to be strong they mocked me. All this made me a child who remained lost in herself. I feared from expressing myself , I hates it when they see me from pity eyes as if wondering they can take me with them  because I am helpless. I always heard everyone but when I started telling my tale I found myself alone. 

Present never scares me but its past which makes me scared about future, I am living in what ifs. Whenever I founds someone I wants to hold their hand tightly forever because what if I my hold lossened and they lefts me?

When I meet Aarushi and Nidhi , their smile and love made my thirsty heart satisfied. They are my source to quench the thirst and my silly heart is worried about the day when I will remain thirsty.

I am worried about the day when my fear will start reflecting on the personality mask, I have build up. I feels like running away as far as I could but I fear my feet will never stop at any place because heart will never get the comfort and warmness it wants, anywhere. 

I have always hated expressing myself, breaking down in front of others. I doesn't wants to show the weak Athulya to anyone , I am afraid they will use me.

The moment I saw that car I started panicking , overing my head placing it over my knees, I sat down there. I didn't realised for how long I was sitting there until I felt someone on my shoulder, Soemone placed their head on it.

I looked up , opening my eyes , creating some space between my arm and knees to peek. Aarushi wrraped her arms around me palcing her head over my shoulder. I avoided her, Nidhi was standing right in front of me, stopping others view.

Clearing my throat , I removed her hand away from me harshly and adjusted my shoulders so that her head falls from it. She looked at me after my sudden reaction. My lips were trembling , I was bitting to stop them , finally I spoke.

"Why don't you leave me alone? I am not good for you" I again placed my head on my knees not meeting her dark eyes.

She started laughing out loudly, holding her stomach to show how funny it was. But, I was serious. She controlled her laugh but kept smiling.

"I can't! cause I like bad things" She pulled me up forcefully , and I fell on her but she holded me wrapping her arms around me , and Nidhi wrapped hers from back. I controlled myself not to melt down in their hold.

Aarushi grabbed my neck and I chocked, removing her hands after struggling ,I gave her a shocking look.

"Don't you dare to say that again, I will kill you" Her eyes were much dark than what they actually are, she placed her finger on my lips and pulled my ears .

"And I will help her in dumping you" Nidhi added her statement before both of them pulled me to classroom.

In the way to classroom I though about it, maybe he was right. I must get a cure for this before I lost myself , I need to talk. I searched few therapists and found  Naina Dixit , now I need to take an appointment from her.

"Athu , what are doing? Put your Phone in your bag. Now!"  She raised her eyebrows at me , pointing her index finger. I hates it when she starts behaving like my mother, I already have one and I am not in need of another in present or near future.