ME / U (Alex Marquez)

fifteen

I'm waiting for Angelina and Jose. Marc and Gemma are with me. Jose arrive with Angelina. I see them laughing together, I feel a bit jealous. Marc pushes gently and I see him smiling. I know what he is thinking. He thinks I'm in love with Angelina. I feel like it's true. Angelina hugs Marc and Gemma. She wraps her arms around me and it warms my heart.

We walk to the restaurant. I grab Angelina's hand to hold it. Why can't I stop staring at her? For the first time, I realize I want to kiss her. I start to think about what we can do together. Like every day. I sit in front of her. I get lost in her eyes.

                                                                                      ~

Alex is staring at me. It makes my heart race, even if I don't show it. I smile at him and his eyes shine. I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep. I hide my sadness and my tiredness. I felt better when I talked with Alex, but now I just feel lonely. I move my leg nervously without realizing it. I put my hands under the table because I don't want people to see I'm playing with my elastic. I have a bad feeling about my dad and my aunt. When I have a bad feeling about something, it usually happens. It also happened that things were okay when I had a bad feeling about them. My friends texted me and I told them for my dad and my aunt. I receive another text from someone else : Marc.

Marc : Is everything okay ?
Angelina : Yes, why ?
Marc : You look anxious.
Angelina  : I'm okay, Marc.
Marc : You can talk to me. It's safe.
Marc : How's your mental health ?

I have a lump in my throat when he said it's safe. I take a deep breath and I decide to tell him.

Angelina : My mental health is absolutely broken. My dad and my aunt are unconscious and I have a bad feeling about it.
Marc : I'm sorry Angelina ! I hope they'll get well soon and you have our support whatever happen !
Angelina : Gracias Marc :)

I put my phone on the table. I see Marc doing the same thing. I feel better, thanks to Marc. I'm so proud and happy to have him and Alex as idols. I love them so much. I feel cold. I forgot my hoodie which is in my hotel room. I can't describe how much I'm in love with Alex. I never felt safe with a guy before. I mean, I had boyfriends but they were toxic and they hurt me. You are probably going to tell me to tell Alex about my feelings for him, but I can't. I have no clue of how he feels about and I'm afraid of being hurt again. I know Alex isn't a bad person and he will never hurt me. I get lost in my thoughts again.

We leave the restaurant and we walk a bit in Silverstone. I'm so cold. I don't ask Alex his hoodie because I don't want him to be cold as well. I yawn again because I'm exhausted. I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight. We'll see. Marc, Gemma and Jose enter a shop to buy something to drink. Alex and I wait for them.

Alex gives me his hoodie. I'm about to say something but he helps me to wear it. I smile thanking him and I smell his perfume.

"It looks great on you !" - Alex says

"Thank you, Alex." - I reply

Alex wraps his arms around me and he kisses my forehead softly. I needed that hug.

"It will be hard to sleep tonight." - I say

"You can call me if you need to." - Alex replies

"Thank you, but I don't want to wake you up in the middle of the night. It's race week and you need to sleep well, Alex."

"You don't bother me and I will be okay."

He plays with my hair before I can say anything. Marc, Gemma and Jose join us and we keep walking. We talk about this week. I will be in a grandstand around the track, for the races on Sunday.

We are in the hotel. Jose and Gemma went to sleep. I'm with Marc and Alex. Marc stays five minutes with us and he wishes us good night before he joins Gemma in their hotel room. I look at Alex. I give his hoodie back. We walk to our hotel rooms and we wish good night to each other. I take a shower and I wear my pajamas. I grab a book and I start to read it. I also have my teddy bear in my arms.

~

I leave my room because I want to spend a bit more time with Angelina. I knock on her hotel room's door. A few seconds later, Angelina opens the door. Her shinning eyes stare at me.

"Do I bother you ?" - I ask

"Not at all, Alex !" - Angelina replies

"Can I enter ?"

"Of course you can !"

I enter her room and I sit on her bed. I look at the book Angelina was reading : Everything's Eventual from Stephen King. Angelina sits next to me. 

"You're beautiful." - I say

"And you're handsome." - Angelina replies

It makes me smile. I see some tears in her eyes. I dry them and I tell her everything's going to be okay. I'm there for her. I play with her soft hair and I keep her in my arms. It hurts seeing her sad like that. I want to do everything to make her happy.

Marc told me to take my time with her. I mean, he told me to be patient. I want to show her how much she means to me. It's so hard to wait. I can't control how I feel about her. Marc is right, I'm in love with her. I realize it more each day. When I look at her, I see everything I need. She's all I need. She's more than my little sister. It warms my heart when I see she's looking at me.

"Do you want to sleep in my arms tonight ?" - I ask

Angelina nods. She puts her book on the bedside table and we lay on her bed. She grabs her teddy bear and I turn the light off before I go back in the bed to wrap my arms around her. Having her in my arms is amazing. I kiss her forehead before I close my eyes to sleep.

~

I sleep with Alex tonight. I'm in his arms with my teddy bear. I feel safe with him. I feel safer when I'm in his arms. I'm falling asleep slowly with his arms around me.