ME / U (Alex Marquez)

nineteen

The season is over. Marc left Honda to join Gresini. I was absolutely sad but a part of me was happy to know Alex and Marc will be in the same team again. I spent time with them after the last GP. 

I'm at Silverstone again. The hospital called me. My dad and my aunt are in the same room now. I'm in their room. I'm holding my tears back. Marc and Alex are in Spain. A doctor comes and we talk a bit. It's worse than before. We keep talking and we hear two long 'beep'. I burst into tears and I scream because I realized it's over. They didn't survive. I also start to have a panic attack. i don't pay attention to it and I run to leave the hospital. I have nowhere to go, except my hotel. I run to it because I don't want people to see me like that. 

When I'm in my room, I try to call Marc. No reply. I call Alex. No reply as well but I leave a message on his voicemail. I'm trying to calm down but I can't. I'm all alone now and next week is winter holiday/vacation. My body is trembling and I have difficulties to breath. I text my friends to tell them I'm not okay at all. Luca calls me and I tell him everything. He manages to calm me down. I can finally breathe normally. We stay on call for a few minutes before he goes back to his revisions for our exams. 

                                                                                    ~

I'm coming back from the motocross track with my brother, Jose and Gemma.

"Did Angelina try to call you ?" - Marc asks

"I don't know, why ?" - I reply

"She tried to call me and she texted me. She's not okay." 

I see Marc worried. I panic and I grab my phone. I see her missed calls and I listen to her voice message : 

"I'm not okay at all, Alex. I need someone to talk to and I thought about you or Marc. That's why I tried to call. Can you call me back please, Alex ?"

I breathe heavily and I go to my bedroom to call her back. It rings twice before Angelina answer. 

"Sweetheart ?"

My heart breaks when I hear her crying

"Answer me please princess ! I'm worried."

"They didn't survive, Alex. It's f*cking over ! I have no family now !"

I have a lamp in my throat. I didn't expect that. 

"I'm sorry, Angelina. What can I do to make you feel better ?"

"Stay please."

"I'm there. I promise."

"Can I come on Wednesday after my exams ?"

"Of course you can ! I'll pick you up at Barcelona."

"Thanks Alex, I'm going to book my ticket train."

"When will you arrive ?"

"4:01 pm at Barcelona Sants is okay for you, Alex ?"

"It's perfect ! How do you feel, Angelina ?"

"I have no clue. What about you, Alex ?"

"I'm so worried about you and I feel bad because I can't take you in my arms to comfort you."

"In a few days, you will be able to do that."

"I won't let you go."

"You managed to make me smile, Alex."

"I love making you smile, Angelina." 

"Alex ?"

"Yes princess ?"

"I love you."

I smile all alone when I hear her saying that. 

"I love you too sweetheart."

"Can I call you later please ? I'm about to go to the airport to go back in my hometown."

"Sure but promise me one thing, Angelina."

"What is it?" 

"Be careful please !"

"Promise, Alex."

"Thank you, princess."

Angelina hangs up and I put my head on my pillow. Someone knocks on my door and I see my dad entering my bedroom.

"Va todo bien, Alex?" - My dad asks

"Todo bien. Y tu ?" - I reply

"Bien. Te veías muy preocupado."

"Angelina no está bien y me pidió que la llamar."

"Es grave ?"

"Si."

"Lo siento, Alex. Cuándo llega? Podemos prepararle su plato favorito por la noche."

"Llega a Barcelona el miércoles y la recogeré."

"Perfecto! Estamos deseando conocer a Angelina."

I smile and I text Angelina. I join Marc and he asks me about Angelina. She told me I can explain to Marc so I tell him. Marc also has tears in his eyes. He texts her to tell her she's not alone and he's sorry for her. 

                                                                     ~ 

I'm in my airplane to go back in Normandy. I don't know how much I cried but my eyes hurt a bit. The airplane is about to take off. 

I'm arrived in my student residence. I put my clothes away. I tie my hair and I grab my guitar. I start to record a cover : Two Of Us, by Louis Tomlinson. I will post the video when I feel the need to do it. I lay on my bed. I reply to Marc, Alex and my friends. I feel alone now. I have only my friends, Marc and Alex. 

I call Alex because I want to hear his voice. We spend like two hours on call. I talked with Marc too. I feel better because I hear them. Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, I will have exams. I studied enough so it is going to be okay. 

I'm taking a shower when my phone rings again. I yawn and I leave the bathroom. Missed call from Jade. I will call her back later. I want to be alone for now. I brush my hair and I grab something to cook. I'm going to eat pasta with a beef fillet. I'm so hungry. 

I started to watch a movie but I stopped because I called Jade back. I can't wait to see Alex and Marc. I'm so nervous to meet their parents. I'm on my bed, reading a book. I'm exhausted. I smile when I see a photo of me with Alex and Marc. They mean everything to me. I will feel better when I see them on Wednesday. I will also be happy to see Gemma. She's amazing. 

I record another cover : I Found, by Amber Run. When I listen to it, I think about Alex. There are many other songs which make me think about Alex. I'm so in love with him. He is my safe zone.