"i knew.." | MORBY

speak up

mordecai's pov

"relationship problems, okay? with my crush.. who will remain anonymous"

HUH??? RIGBY?? RELATIONSHIP??? HE'S NEVER SHOWN INTEREST IN ANYONE... EVER. "..is that what's been bothering you lately?" "y-yeah"

after he said that, we kinda just stared at each other for like five seconds straight before realizing how close our faces were.

we both awkwardly backed away from one another before i cleared my throat. "are you sure thats the only thing?" i ask him. he nods hid head yes. "do you wanna talk about it?"

he almost cuts me off, immediately responding "no! ...i just-" his eyes trail off somewhere behind me and he sighs before finishing his sentence "i just need to get over it. thats all" he said, seemingly zoning out before looking back into my eyes waiting for a response.

"..a-are you sure you don't wanna vent about it or anything? you don't have to name dro-" "yes. i'm fine mordecai. seriously. it's just stupid crush stuff" he interjects while breaking from my grasp and standing up.

his whole demeanor changed.

with narrow eyes and otherwise a blank expression glued onto his face, he stands there looking down at me. i can tell he's trying to act 'tough'.

it's pretty convincing until you notice his shaky fist and nails digging into it as hard as he could. as well as his chest rising and falling with quick short breaths.

i know he's lying. maybe not about everything, but i know he's not 'fine'.

he's acting as if i'm not looking at the tear stains on his cheeks.

ugh. i just wanna give him another hug i know he needs one. but i can't keep dragging this on, he's already declined twice and i can tell he wants to leave.

it looks like he'd start swinging if i asked him to talk about it again. so i just sigh and reply with "okay dude... if you ever need me just speak up.. please" looking straight into his big brown eyes that seemed to be filled with guilt.

rigby's pov

"okay dude... if you ever need me just speak up.. please" mordecai told me, still sitting on the floor.

i swallow and nod before squeezing through the space left in the open door and basically sprinting to our room.

i finally let my tears flow free like they've been waiting to do since i forced them to stop. i shut our bedroom door behind me even tho i know mordecai will probably be walking in any moment.

pacing around, i replay what just happened in my head. WHY THE FUCK DID I TELL HIM THAT.
UUUUUUGGH HE'S NEVER GONNA STOP ASKING!

there's no way he'll just go on about life knowing i may or may not have a secret lover, i've never even told him about any crush, EVER. this is my first one to him, he's never gonna let this go.

i feel my breath start to speed up and soon enough i'm basically hyperventilating. fuck fuck fuck. pacing around our bedroom i'm trying to think of what to do.

he's gonna walk in any second. he can't see me like this oh my god he'll never leave me alone then.

quickly but quietly, i grab my blade from under my trampoline and a jacket from our closet. i go over to our bedroom window, reach under the blinds and struggle to unlock it for a second due to my shaky hands.

although when i do, i fling the window open and hurl my little body through. it always takes mordecai twice the amount of time to get up here because he's so much taller than me. i'm like 5'1 and i think he's 6'2.