"i knew.." | MORBY

liquid encouragement

rigby's pov

as i'm drinking the water standing in the kitchen, the front door swings open, making me jump.

i spilled some water on myself and the floor even, but i just wiped it with my sleeve and pretended i didn't.

i look up, thankfully it's just mordecai. but ugh, mordecai.

fuck. i can already feel my heartbeat starting to speed up, and not just cause the door scared me.

i walk away from the doorway, out of view from the front door.

just go upstairs mordecai.

but of course he doesn't, i hear footsteps get louder and louder until i see him walk through the kitchen doorway.

once he sees me he goes "oh- hey" "h-hey" i say, starting to walk past him to go up to our room. "sorry i was out for so lo-" "it's good" i cut him off, walking out of the kitchen as i do so.

"...are you mad at me?" he calls out, still standing in the kitchen. i'm starting to walk up the stairs now.

"no. just tired" i said, just loud enough for him to hear. before he could really say anything else i was already upstairs. he could see me from where he was standing, but i didn't look at him at all.

why the fuck does everything have to be so complicated. I JUST WANNA BE STRAIGHT. and out of ALL the guys i would EVER love, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MORDECAI.

i've tried avoiding him, tried to think bad of him, tried to get the 'ick' from him, even gone on 'vacation' to try to stop liking and thinking about him but i physically couldn't.

i swear this man is driving me CRAZY i don't know what to do anymore.

a part of me wants to tell him, but the rest of me KNOWS that would just ruin everything.

we'd stop being friends, i'd lose my job in some sort of way, including my home cause i live here, become homeless and probably end up killing myself in some sort of way that's free.

i can already see my whole entire life just crumbling down.

but, if i DON'T tell him, then this just continues.

whatever different kind of hell this is.

all this weird awkward tension i can't stand it. and i can't stand HIM.

whenever he's around i have to physically resist myself from either punching him or kissing him, both being for the same reason.

i fucking hate myself for this but i can't help it. i wish he liked me.

mordecai's pov

why is rigby acting like he's mad at me?? what did i do?!?

he said it was fine, he didn't even wanna come to the coffee shop with me. what's his problem??

i stand in the kitchen, thinking. rigby went upstairs about five minutes ago.

should i go ask him about it more?? i don't wanna start a fight, but he's been like this all day?!?

i go upstairs. opening our bedroom door, i see rigby starting to open our window to outside.

"dude close that, it's cold!" i half-shout at him, walking into our room and shutting our door behind me.

i now realize he's wearing his coat. he doesn't even look at me while he says "i will in a sec" in a monotone voice and lifts himself up by the windowsill.

"..why are you going outside?" i ask as i watch him pull himself through the window.

once he's on the roof he stands up while saying "i don't know," pausing to turn back around and bend down to me. looking me in the eyes, his face also close to the window, he finishes his sentence "i feel like it" and shuts the window in my face.