Clouds 𝓸𝓯 Grey || #3 [working on editing]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐲-𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞.

song for chapter; Softcore by The Neighborhood.

059| Guts

~K O M I S O L A~

Beginning of SS2 or Grade 11, as Hanniel liked to call it; I was the favorite victim of bullying in Crestview High. In just weeks, I managed to get my clothes torn apart by a senior, I got framed for stealing a diamond necklace, and oh... the most creative moniker I was ever given; incest breeder. I could never decide which environment was more toxic between school and home.

The bullying never stopped, although it had significantly lessened since Hanniel's arrival. The physical assualt, harassment, stuff like that stopped. No one had dared to call me an incest breeder to my face as long as Hanniel was by my side. But the stares didn't stop, the side whispers as I walked by and the fingers which sneakily pointed at me. There was limit to how much they could do all because of Hanniel. It was like we both rubbed off on each other. Some of my bad luck on him and some of his good luck on me. If anything, I still felt ashamed when I looked at him.

If only I'd done more good to him as he had done to me.

When I looked at it, everyone around me always ended up leaving. My best friend of years back left without a word, and no matter how much it was a comfort that Davies no longer existed to me, I still couldn't ignore the fact that he literally walked out of my life. And Father, he walked out of my life too.

My real mother. I wasn't dumb not to know Mother wasn't the one who birthed me. Her past actions told me everything I needed to know. That strange mistress of Father's, I had my doubts about her. But even if I wanted to name her my biological mother, the disgust in her eyes the second our eyes met that fateful day, made me believe otherwise.

It was sheer luck how I still had a mother figure in my life up until this moment. How Mother hadn't gotten tired of having to consider me in every step she took.

"You're just an eleventh grader, what do you know?"

I didn't like to admit it and I never thought I would, but I patiently counted down till Hanniel also left me. I waited till he also went out that invisible door that seemed to be everyone's exit.

Where was all the insecurity coming from?

I breathed in, shaking my head slightly to regain composure and pull myself back into the present. It was a strange sight, but Hanniel and Ibrahim were actually talking together. They both stood on the field, alongside a bunch of males which included Senior Amir and a few females which included Senior Inaya. They probably came together for the purpose of playing basketball only. Why they always used the field instead of the court was what I didn't understand.

And why Hanniel decided to play basketball today of all days.

I took my seat on the bleachers, surprisingly holding a Physics textbook and my notebook instead of my usual novels. Our teacher had given us this crazy classwork no one was able to solve and still did not seem to understand it.

I couldn't get the hang of it. And how much more surprised I was to see a whole Ameenah struggle with it too. I think the only person who could get it was Sarah, as she turned in her note a few minutes after.

"Hey."

If I wasn't actually sure of myself, and if I hadn't pinched myself secretly after staring at Yusrah for thirty seconds, I would have thought I was just being delusional.

But no, Yusrah was actually sitting next to me with a smile on her face. That soon changed into a frown however. She was the most impatient person I'd come across. "Are you just going to keep staring?" she huffed. "Is there something on my face?"