the way i loved you.

chapter nine - 1 step forward, 3 steps back

"do you love me, want me, hate me? boy i don't understand"
- olivia rodrigo

The morning light filtered through my window, casting a gentle glow as I woke up. Memories of the previous night's tumultuous encounter with Jace played in my mind, and I found myself grappling with a mix of emotions.

I glanced at my phone, revealing a text from Jace asking me to meet him at the lake. I checked the time on my phone at it said 5:24, what could he want?

I quickly got ready, opting for light makeup and a somber reflection in my eyes. I texted Brax about borrowing his car and headed to the lake where Jace had asked me to meet him.

As I arrived, I spotted Jace sitting on the dock, his gaze fixed on the tranquil water. The air felt heavy with unspoken words as I joined him.

"Hey, what's up?"

Jace looked up, his eyes holding a complex emotion that I couldn't quite decipher. I sat beside him, anticipation building in the silence.

"I've been thinking." He admits

"About what?" I probe.

Jace hesitated before expressing his thoughts.

"I've been selfish, Astoria. I can't let my own feelings mess with your life. You deserve someone your own age."

My heart sank a little at his admission. "Jace, it's not just about age. It's about what we feel."

"I know, and that's the problem. I can't let myself get in the way of your happiness." He says making me more confused.

I looked at him, my eyes searching his for a deeper understanding. "But what if you make me happy, Jace?"

Jace hesitated, his gaze dropping to the water.

Jace: "You deserve more than a complicated situation. I can't be the one to give you what you deserve right now."

I looked at him with sadness in my eyes. "If you wanted me, I'd be yours." I admit.

"I know, Tory. If I were younger or you were older, I'd be yours." He admits.

The acknowledgment of our undeniable connection hung in the air.

"It's better for us to keep our distance for now. Maybe, one day, we could be friends." He says.

I gazed out at the water, contemplating his offer. I agreed, telling him I understood.

Jace pressed a gentle kiss to my head, a bittersweet farewell. As he left he said, "You deserve way more than me, Tory."

I remained at the lake, processing the weight of our conversation, realizing that understanding didn't necessarily ease the ache in my heart.

I drove back home, the rhythmic hum of the engine providing a backdrop to my swirling thoughts. As I entered the living room, my mother looked up from her book, sensing something amiss.

"Hey, sweetheart. What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath and sat down next to my mom, feeling the warmth of familiarity. "I met Jace at the lake. We talked, and he said we should keep our distance for now."

Mom remained silent, her eyes filled with understanding. After a moment, she closed her book and turned her full attention to me.

"Sometimes, life throws us into situations where the heart and the mind are at odds. It's painful, but it's a part of growing up." My mom said.

I nodded, absorbing the wisdom my mother offered. "And the kitchen... Jace was acting strangely, and Brax saw something he shouldn't have."

Mom sighed, recognizing the complexities I was navigating. "Love isn't always straightforward, and sometimes, it makes us act in ways we can't predict. Your heart is resilient, Astoria, and you'll find your way through this."

"But what if I want to be with him, and he's pushing me away?" i admitted

Mom placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Sweetheart, sometimes people push others away not because they want to, but because they think it's for the best. Give him the space he needs, and in time, things may become clearer for both of you."

I appreciated my mother's comforting words, a sense of solace settling in the room. "Thanks, Mom. It just hurts."

"I know, darling. Remember, you're strong, and you have a family that loves you no matter what." My mom said.

We sat in companionable silence, finding solace in each other's presence, a bond that transcended the complexities of love and heartache.

In the quiet ambiance of the library, I immersed herself in the world of books. As I perused the shelves, I was pleasantly surprised when my friend Amaya approached, a warm smile on her face.

"Hey, Tory! Long time no see!" Maya greeted me.

I looked up and returned the smile, genuinely happy to see my friend. "Maya! It's been too long. How have you been?"

"I've been good. Actually, great! I got a new teaching position, and I'm loving it." She tells me excitedly, her eyes lighting up in excitement.

"That's amazing, Maya! Congratulations!" i hug her tightly.

"Thanks! So, what have you been up to? Still buried in books, I see." she laughs.

I chuckled, nodding.

"Yeah, you know me. Reading is my escape. Also been working here at the library."

"The eternal bookworm. Well, it suits you. But don't you ever get bored?" she asks

"Not with these worlds at my fingertips. What about you? Any new adventures in the teaching realm?"

Amaya animatedly shared stories of her experiences with the students, painting a vivid picture of her newfound passion.

"It's challenging, but it's rewarding. Kids these days are something else." We both laughed, sharing a camaraderie built on years of friendship.

"We should catch up properly. How about coming over for dinner tonight? I can cook something." I ask

Amaya grinned. "Dinner at the mysterious Astoria's place? Count me in!"

However, curiosity danced in Amaya's eyes as she playfully raised an eyebrow. "But wait, will your brother be there too? Is it a family affair?"

I chuckled, realizing Amaya's playful inquiry. "Yes he will be there."

"Alright, I'm looking forward to it. Your cooking better be as mysterious as you are!" Amaya joked.

Amaya bid farewell, leaving me alone with my books and thoughts. The library returned to its tranquil state, with me surrounded by the comforting presence of literature, contemplating the upcoming evening with my dear friend.