the way i loved you.

chapter thirty two - mess it up

"how could i think that all that i gave you was enough?"
- gracie abrams

In Jackson's cozy living room, Jackson and I found ourselves in the midst of an unexpected confrontation. The atmosphere shifted as soon as Jackson brought up the information he had heard.

"Can we talk about what happened at Jason's office?" Jackson asked, his tone tinged with a mix of concern and frustration.

I, caught off guard, tried to keep my composure. "What do you mean? I was just there for a moment. It's not a big deal."

Jackson crossed his arms, his expression showing that he wasn't buying it. "Astoria, I heard from a friend that you were at Jason's office. I thought we were building something here, and now I find out you're spending time with your ex."

I sighed, realizing the potential for misunderstanding. "Jackson, it's not what you think. Jason and I have a history, yes, but it doesn't mean there's anything between us now."

Jackson's eyes narrowed, and he uncrossed his arms, his frustration evident. "Astoria, you need to be honest with me. If there's something unresolved between you and Jason, I deserve to know."

I took a step closer, my eyes pleading. "There's nothing between us, Jackson. We have a complicated history, but I'm here with you because I want to be. I'm trying to move forward."

Jackson ran a hand through his hair, visibly conflicted. "I just don't want to be someone you run to when things get tough with him. I need to know where we stand."

I reached out, gently placing a hand on Jackson's arm. "You're not a backup plan, Jackson. I care about you. Let's work through this together, okay?"

The room fell into a heavy silence as we both tried to navigate the complex emotions and uncertainties that lingered in the air.

I texted Jason to meet me at the lake later that day.

Under the tranquil ambiance of the lake, I approached Jason, the moon casting gentle ripples on the water. I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of my decision.

"Jason, we need to talk," I began, my voice steady but laced with a hint of uncertainty.

Jason looked up from where he had been skipping stones across the water, his gaze meeting mine. "Sure, what's on your mind?"

I took a moment, choosing my words carefully. "I've been thinking, and I believe it's not a good idea for us to keep meeting like this. It's not fair to Jackson, and it's not fair to us."

Jason's expression shifted, a mixture of understanding and sadness. "Astoria, I get it. I didn't mean to complicate things for you."

I nodded, appreciating his understanding. "It's not just about you, Jason. It's about me, too. I need to focus on the present and what's best for my life now."

Jason sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I never wanted to bring any complications. I just missed you."

My gaze softened. "I understand, Jason. But we both need to move forward. I'm with Jackson now, and I want to give our relationship a fair chance."

Jason nodded, a melancholic smile playing on his lips. "I respect that, Astoria. I wish you all the happiness."

We stood there for a moment, the sounds of the lake creating a poignant setting to our conversation. I knew this was a necessary step for my own growth, even if it meant letting go of a part of my past.

I found my mom in the kitchen, slicing vegetables for dinner. I hesitated for a moment before deciding to share my thoughts.

"Hey, Mom," I began, my voice filled with a mix of determination and concern.

My mom turned, offering a warm smile. "What's on your mind, sweetheart?"

Taking a deep breath, I decided to be honest. "I had a talk with Jason today. I told him that we can't hang out like we used to."

My mom paused, her gaze turning thoughtful. "And how did he take it?"

"He understood, Mom, but it was hard. For both of us," I admitted, my eyes reflecting a mix of emotions.

My mom set the knife down and approached me, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Change is never easy, especially when it involves someone from your past. But you did what you felt was right."

I nodded, appreciating my mom's understanding. "It's just that things are different now. I'm with Jackson, and it wouldn't be fair to him or to us if I kept holding onto the past."

My mom nodded sagely. "You're right, Astoria. It's important to prioritize your present and future. Relationships require focus and commitment."

I sighed, feeling a mixture of relief and sadness. "I just hope Jason understands and that we can both move forward."

My mom squeezed my shoulder gently. "People change, circumstances change. What matters most is how you handle those changes and continue to grow. I'm proud of you for making the right choices for your happiness."

I smiled, grateful for my mom's support. "Thanks, Mom. I needed to hear that."

As I settled into my room with my laptop, I clicked on the video call link Jackson had sent. Soon, his face appeared on the screen, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey, Jackson," I greeted, the warmth evident in my voice.

"Hey, Astoria!" Jackson's face lit up, and he adjusted the camera to get a better view. "How was your day?"

"It was good, busy as usual," I replied, leaning back in my chair. "How about yours?"

Jackson chuckled. "Same here. Work never seems to end, but hey, it pays the bills."

We both laughed, the easy camaraderie between us evident. I appreciated the simplicity and comfort of my connection with Jackson.

"So, any exciting plans for the weekend?" Jackson asked, leaning back in his own chair.

I thought for a moment. "Not really, just the usual. How about you?"

"I was thinking of checking out that new coffee shop downtown. Heard they have some amazing pastries," Jackson said with a grin.

"That sounds like a plan. I might join you for a cup of coffee, then," I suggested, a playful glint in my eye.

Jackson's smile widened. "That would be great. It's a date, then."

We continued chatting about our week, sharing anecdotes and laughing. The more we talked, the more I felt a sense of ease and comfort with Jackson. Maybe moving forward wasn't as daunting as I had initially thought.