the way i loved you.

chapter eleven - happier

"I'm selfish, i know, i can't let you go."
- olivia rodrigo

A few days later, I found myself in the living room, deep in thought.

Brax noticed my pensive expression and decided to strike up a conversation. "Hey sis, what's been going on with you lately?"

"Oh, you know, just busy with work and reading. How's the new position treating you?" I said forcing a smile

"It's amazing! Jason gave me this promotion, and I've been handling some big projects. Things are really looking up." He said grinning

"That's fantastic, Brax. I'm proud of you." i said, genuinely happy for him.

"You sure everything's okay with you? You seem a bit off."

"Yeah, just a bit tired. Been pulling some late nights at the library." i lied

"Tory, you can talk to me, you know. What's really going on?" Brax put a hand on my shoulder.

"It's just... I heard about Jason and this girl Bethany. Are they... you know, a thing?" I asked, sighing

"Yeah, they've been spending some time together. Why?" Brax said, nodding.

I looked down. "I don't know. It's just, I thought... Never mind. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid if it matters to you. What are you thinking?"

I hesitated before saying, "I just thought there might be something between us, but if he's moved on so quickly..."

"Tory, you can't control other people's actions. Maybe it's worth talking to Jason about how you feel." Brax didn't seem angry, which surprised me.

"Maybe you're right. I just need some time to figure things out." i nodded.

"Take all the time you need, but don't shut people out. We're here for you." Brax gave me a tight hug and left.

I wiped away a tear and sighed. I couldn't comprehend why Jason seemed to be moving on so quickly. As I closed her eyes, the weight of the situation pressed down on me, and I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

In my dreams, I found myself at the lake, where Jason and I had shared meaningful moments. The image of Bethany lingered in the background, overshadowing the once serene scene. I wandered through a fog of confusion, trying to make sense of my feelings.

The next day, I woke up with a heavy heart. I tried to shake off the lingering sadness, reminding myself that Jason and I were never officially together. However, the reality of his apparent connection with Bethany weighed on me.

I decided to focus on my own life, burying myself in books and work at the library. The days passed, but the ache in my heart persisted. I longed for clarity, wondering if Jason had truly moved on or if there was still a chance for us.

As I stepped out of the library, I unintentionally found myself walking past a cozy coffee shop. To my surprise, I spotted Jason and who i can only assume is Bethany exiting together, sharing a laughter-filled conversation.

Bethany's beauty was undeniable, her smile radiant, and Jason appeared genuinely happy in her company. I couldn't help but observe from a distance, feeling a pang of conflicting emotions. A twinge of jealousy crept in as I considered the possibility that Jason might be happier with Bethany than he had been with me.

Deep down, I knew that I had no claim on Jason's happiness or his choices. Yet, seeing him with someone else stirred up a mix of emotions I wasn't prepared for. I lingered for a moment, watching them walk away, their laughter echoing in the air.

Shaking off the unsettling feelings, I reminded herself of the decision to take some time for introspection. As I continued my way home, I couldn't escape the lingering thoughts about what might have been, adding an unexpected layer of complexity to my already tangled emotions.

The rain danced around me, a symphony of droplets creating a serene melody in the backyard. I sat quietly, entranced by the rhythmic pattern of the rain, aware of the approaching footsteps. Jason took a seat beside me, and the two of us sat in companionable silence, both lost in our thoughts, our gazes fixed on the soothing cascade outside.

Breaking the stillness, Jason turned to me. "Are you okay?"

I looked at him with a dead look in my eyes, hoping he would just go away. "Yes i'm fine, Jason."

As I rose to leave, Jason stood up too, sensing an unspoken turmoil. In the midst of the rain's relentless dance, my frustration bubbled over, and the silence between us became a storm of unspoken words. I turned to face Jason, my eyes reflecting a tempest of emotions.

"Stop being so confusing, Jason!" I demanded, my voice cutting through the rhythmic percussion of the raindrops. "Just tell me what's going on!"

Jason looked at me, a mix of concern and confusion etched on his face. "What do you mean, Astoria? I'm not trying to confuse you."

I, growing increasingly agitated, pushed on. "Bethany. How do you expect me to react when I see you with another girl?"

A furrow formed on Jason's brow. "Bethany? She's just a candidate for a job in HR. Nothing more."

My eyes widened in realization, and I took a step back, the gravity of my assumption sinking in. "Oh," I whispered, feeling a mix of embarrassment and regret.

But the tension persisted. "If it's not Bethany, then what's going on?" My voice rose, matching the intensity of the rain.

Jason ran a hand through his hair, his gaze fixed on me. "I don't know, Astoria. Everything is so complicated."

"Complicated?" I spat out the word. "You can't just waltz in here, create chaos, and then call it complicated."

The rain intensified, mirroring the tumult within us. I, a mix of anger and vulnerability, took another step back. "I can't do this, Jason. I can't keep guessing what you want or feel."

Jason, too, felt the weight of the moment. "Astoria, I-"

"No!" I interrupted. "I need clarity. I need to know what's real and what's just a moment of confusion for you."

In the midst of the rain's crescendo, Jason and I stood, our hearts pounding in sync with the droplets that adorned our faces. The world seemed to fade, leaving only the two of us in the stormy embrace.

"To hell with everyone," Jason declared, his voice carrying a mixture of frustration and longing. He reached for my face, his fingers gentle yet decisive, and he brought me closer. In that moment, the world disappeared, and our lips met in a storm of passion.

The kiss was a revelation, a culmination of unspoken words and suppressed desires. It held the essence of longing, a plea for connection that transcended the constraints we had tried to impose on themselves.

For that stolen moment, Jason and I defied the boundaries that had kept us apart. Time seemed to suspend, allowing us to drown in the intensity of the kiss. It was both a confession and a rebellion against the forces that tried to dictate our hearts.

As the rain continued to pour, we broke the kiss, our eyes locking in a silent understanding. In the aftermath of the storm, my lips tingled with the taste of rebellion and vulnerability, and Jason looked at me with a mix of regret and desire.

"To hell with everyone," Jason repeated, his voice a murmur against the backdrop of the rain. The decision had been made, and the echoes of our first kiss lingered in the air, a promise that whispered of a connection too profound to be ignored.